Seven Stages of Amazement
1. Hooting and hollering. I woke my beaux out of a sound sleep at 6AM, jumping on our bed and punching the air.
2. I felt like I was clutching a garish gold award at a ceremony…like I should have been making a teary speech: “I’d like to thank the LA Times and New York Educator, School Gal, and everyone…this isn’t for me, it’s for the children!” or something just as hokey.
3. Bragging rights. I wanted to tell everyone, I wanted to shout from the roof of my school. Of course, that lasted all of four minutes because, well, I run a somewhat anonymous blog and needed to keep it hush-hush.
4. Warm, fuzzy and grateful. I can’t say that the LA Times post brought me support, because that support was already here for me. I’ve found a community that has helped me through scary, rough times…more guidance and sympathy than I’ve been offered by either school or union. Honestly, I was pretty freaked out by the ordeal, but I never felt alone. You teachers backed me up. (And here’s a shameless plug for you to look on the right side of the blog at new blogs I’ve linked to.)
5. A mix of pride and hope. I felt proud that I could put my feelings to text and draw some attention to a pretty awful situation that shouldn’t be allowed to happen to any teacher, in any school. Prevention, support and accountability would serve the teachers of NYC (and the United States) very well.
6. Fear and paranoia. I imagined my lil’ ol’ blog would stay under the radar for the most part, and now I’m thanking my lucky stars that I had the forethought to keep the blog as anonymous as possible. But what if I’m not anonymous enough? I hope I haven’t been undiplomatic enough to lose my job, or get sued. I scanned back though all my posts, making sure no real names of students, teachers, or administration were used and I think I’m clean. But if you see something questionable in my blog, please do me a favor and let me know.
7. Acceptance. I thought for a minute about taking my blog down, if only to save my own posterior. And then I realized, this blog is saving more than my butt…it’s keeping me sane, and giving me both a soap box and a community. Though I wouldn’t be happy working for a school who would fire a new teacher over a blog, I’m not exactly excited about losing a job. So, you can call me a chicken, but names will continue to be changed and addresses kept secret. And again…if you can think of any other ways to protect myself without selling out and ditching the blog, your opinion/ideas/thoughts and concerns are welcome, as always.
I remain grateful to all teachers and visitors, readers and sympathizers… Next time, I hope all this to-do will be under better circumstances.