Yeah, That'll Teach You A Lesson

Officially a NYC Teacher.

2008-09-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

While I have already kicked off my third year as a NYC public school teacher, it is today that I became officially recognized. In the mail today I received my teaching certificates for both middle school general education and for special education.

I thought they'd be bigger. The certificates are 3 and a 1/2 inches by roughly six inches, but they lend me the credibility I've been lacking as an educator. No longer am I simply a misguided Teaching Fellow with a transitional B certification, but an older and wiser soldier in the trenches.

Trial by fire, 30 months of grad school, copious testing...and these two slips of paper are mine.

I'm playing with the big boys now!

You know you're a role model when...

2008-09-23T13:43:00.000-07:00

Your students begin to dress like you. I came into school today to find that my student was wearing the same sweater as myself, in the same color. People thought we planned it, and we both got our chops busted a bit through the day.

But when you think of it... Imitation is the best form of flattery. And it sure beat the shirt the same-said student wore last week. That shirt sported the slogan "Who needs to work with an ass like this?"

A step in the right direction.

Empire State Partnerships: Art in Education

2008-07-17T08:06:00.001-07:00

Literally, I didn’t sleep at all last Sunday night. I was anxious, my mind spinning and uncertain about the upcoming Summer Seminar being conducted by the Empire State Partnership. 350 teaching artists and teachers from all over New York meeting together to focus on art and creativity in education, complete strangers. A week away from home, from familiarity or anyone I knew. No wonder I couldn’t sleep.
I arrived Monday morning on the 6:30 AM train, bleary-eyed and clenching the anxiety in my gut, I didn’t know where to go, and it was raining.

This mentality lifted with the rain early in the day, when I realized I was spending a week in an arts education summer camp. Everyone was warm and welcoming, there was no judgment, and the focus was on the students. All the arts were represented, from dance and drama, to music, visual arts and poetry. Here are a few highlights from my experience, and how they will color the upcoming year in my classroom.

-First, the campus is beautiful. Something about getting out of the city and back into nature scoured a bitter layer of myself away to reveal a more open version of myself. I stayed in a dorm room, a throwback to my undergrad days…and it was a welcome nostalgia. Even the shower shoes. The air was fresher, the spaces both wide open and green, and also forested and shady. My pleasure was to walk under the leaves, and peruse the arboretum. How could I be uptight when the air was fresh and lush? The environment had no little effect on me this week.

-The people were real, open, and warm. One Monday morning I was freaking out because I couldn’t find my dorm, and I only had 15 minutes until they stopped serving breakfast. And yet everyone I passed wished me a good morning, made eye-contact. Like Dorothy I felt like I wasn’t in Kansas anymore. I wasn’t in the New York land of hidden eye contact and subway silence. It unburdened me. I spent much of my meal times networking with teachers and artists from all over New York, I have a list of e-mails of people I know I can contact for support or a chat, not to mention new teachers I know in Brooklyn.

-There was an incredible keynote presentation by the activist artist Mel Chin. Art is political. Perhaps I’m a bit blind about art, seeing so much in New York…but I really feel like I got a rejuvenated grasp on what political art can mean to the world. I ask myself: how can I pass this idea of art with a message to my students? How can I facilitate their understanding, or open my students to art?

-I got to be an artist this week. I worked with “real” artists, but there was no hierarchy, my work was displayed seamlessly with their own during exhibition, and I didn’t feel self-conscious or judged for what I was or wasn’t. (I’ll post pictures of my art at a later date) In fact, I felt welcome to drum, dance, sing, act, create art with no pressure and no feelings that “I can’t do this because I’m not a “real” artist.” This I can definitely pass on to my students. Everyone , EVERYONE can participate in art, as long as the environment is welcoming and free.

-Tuesday night there were a set of student performers, student who performed hip hop, a meshed version of Richard the III that combined traditional Shakespeare with student written material, and dance from students in the National Dance Institute. This was the transitional moment, when I realized how desperately my students need to be exposed to more art for their own personal enrichment and self-confidence. After each performance, the students spoke about how powerful their art was, and I couldn’t stop thinking how MY children could get so much out of it, if given the chance. But how? No Child Left Behind legislature puts the emphasis on testing academics, how can I make time and allocate resources to give my students what I find to be just as important?

-Wednesday brought an answer, light at the end of the tunnel. And honestly, I feel slightly sheepish that I didn’t think about it before. Collaboration between resident teaching artists and classroom teachers and fulfill both the driving need to create as well as supplement student learning in multiple subject areas. It’s a crossover, a hybrid; art not just for art’s sake. Examples abounded, a model of a house built from only recycled materials to supplement ecology lesson plans. Drumming and percussion added to spoken word prose. Found material art based on history. Painting and dance tied in with math. If my students could dance in math class, they’d definitely have a different perception of arithmetic.

-My goal for next year: I am going to set aside time, either in school or out to collaborate closely with our resident artist in the RUSH Philanthropic Arts Foundation, and match the art with curriculum. I’m excited! My students, who are emotionally disturbed flock to art, love it. Many students struggle with academics, hate math, can’t stand English. The hatred stems from failure. After 10 years of struggling with a subject, the students are bitter. But they love art. The art can be the sugar for the medicinal subject matter. But not only can the art act as motivation, it’s a new way to see the same information.

If you are a teacher in New York State, I highly recommend you experience ESP for yourself. Your students will thank you.

My Goal for Next Year

2008-07-08T09:40:00.000-07:00

Upon closing the door on my second year of teaching, I have come to the following initial goal for teaching next year.

My goal will be to stretch to the outskirts of my class. My ED students are very transient, and I only had three students remain from September to June. In fact, my last student was admitted to me two weeks prior to final exams.

It was this year I noticed I was much warmer and patient with the few students I had yearlong, or for extended periods of time than the newest children. There was Usually a two week feel-out phase with these youngsters, and either I gathered them to the fold or they became all the more transient. My goal for the upcoming year is to break away from the comfort zone of familiar students, and focus a little more on welcoming newcomers. It's not like the transience is going to change, I need to adapt.

The Lives You Touch

2008-03-13T14:54:00.001-07:00

T came in midyear, while I was in mid-crisis and slowly finding my stride in my first year of teaching. It was obvious that T didn’t want to be in school, and when I spoke to him about it he made it clear that school attendance was to keep his probation officer at bay only, and actual school work was not on the menu. I wasn’t exactly looking for another mission, amongst the sinking ship that was my 9^th grade class, so I let it go and struck a deal that he’d stay half the day, and refrain from disrupting working students, and we’d get along fine. And we *did* get along well. He was a decent kid, respectful and rarely got into fights or verbal battles; but since he wasn’t part of my working class, I didn’t pay him much mind other than if he was there and if he was leaving working students alone. Sometimes T would complete an assignment on his own, and thus become a bleep on my teacher-radar, but mostly he just hung out in my room.

So imagine my surprise when today, a year later, T called me from the psychiatric center on his way to prison until 2009. The shock of the phone call didn’t come from my student being incarcerated (sadly, that doesn’t surprise me anymore) rather that I didn’t think my relationship with him warranted him reaching out. Nonetheless we chatted briefly about the “scuffle” that ended him in jail and his plans once he got out. He called to tell me he wrote me a letter, and to expect it soon. T wanted to know if he could be in my class when he got out if he promised to do work. I was touched, but confused. I wanted to ask him “Why me?” but my class was watching me expectantly, and I had to go back to my lesson.

It goes to show, that as a teacher, you may not always be aware of the lives you touch.

Quality Reviews

2008-03-05T15:40:00.001-08:00

My school's quality review is coming up soon, and I am dreading the day The Suits take over the school. Needless to say everything is in chaotic upheaval while everyone scurries to make this pig's ear into a silk purse.

If the NYC Department of Education spent as much effort and money on actually teaching students than it did making itself look good...We'd have much less of an education crisis.

Teaching With No Allies

2008-02-29T12:43:00.001-08:00

One of the difficulties with teaching teenagers, is that they have minds of their own. If a student doesn’t feel like completing assignments, there’s actually very little an educator can do to rectify the laziness-situation.

Case in point: I have a bright 16-year-old in my class who is fully capable of completing assignment, but comes in three days a week between 10 and 11 and is failing all his classes except gym. Previously I had phoned several times to speak to N’s family to give them a heads up, often with phones being disconnected or no one picking up the phone. Today I reached N’s sister who didn’t speak English, but with my poor Spanish she was able to give me his brother’s phone number.

The following conversation clued me in to why N was lazy in the classroom:

Ms. C: Hi there, I wanted to talk to you about my concerns for N.

Brother: What he do now?

Ms. C: Well, I’m concerned for N’s grades….he’s struggling to complete work, and often won’t make the attempt. Of the last 15 assignments N handed in 4.

Brother: Yeah, this has been a problem for a while.

Ms. C: Is there a way you can talk to N this weekend? If this keeps up, he’ll have trouble passing the marking period.

Brother: All I can do is make him go to school, if he doesn’t want to work, I can’t make him. Just fail him.

The conversation went for another minute or two, but I was schmoozing on autopilot while my brain floundered. Just fail him? What, as long as Child Services doesn’t cite you for neglect because the kid is technically attending school it doesn’t matter if he succeeds or not? It made perfect sense why the student didn’t give a damn if he did the work or not…because no one cared at home.

While I’m not going to give up I find this situation very challenging; if the kid doesn’t care, and the guardians don’t care…how can I approach N and increase his productivity?

Winter Break and Certification Exams

2008-02-20T07:35:00.000-08:00

Happy mid-winter break everybody! I made no plans for my week off of school, mostly I’ve been reading, sleeping, and playing videogames. My plan is to be fully energized for the last third of the school year. The only smirch on my plan is that I have both certification exams on Saturday. My ATS-W and CST in Special Ed are both Saturday, from 7:45AM until conceivable 5PM (though I hope I’m out before then!) It’s a bit pressure-building to know that my certification and my future as a teacher rests on a test-a-thon, however I’m pretty confident. Actually, I’m confident about the actual teacher test…and less confident about the CST on special education. I teach special ed, but I only have experience with emotionally disturbed students…leaving some question marks on other disabilities. I know book stuff about Autism and MR and others…but it’s only book stuff.

Much studying is in my future! To all other teaching fellows and new teachers taking their exams: Good luck!

Math Game That Teaches (me) Humility

2008-02-16T10:20:00.000-08:00

One of the first important lessons I learned as an educator of jaded, over stimulated teenagers is that games are the way to go. Competition becomes a social aspect of class work and assessment that truly engaged students in the age of video games and one-upmanship. In my class it’s everything from vocabulary bees to Global Studies Bingo and everything in between.

Last week I created a game to help students conceptualize the number line and get a mental picture of what makes numbers negative. Some may think that negative numbers are baby stuff for high school students, but the abstract idea coupled with shoddy math programs (Everyday Math, I’m talking about you!) has made 4th grade math hardly comprehensible. The game consisted of a number line that spanned the entire blackboard, from -20 all the way to +20, and the students would select number cards that would either have a negative or positive number (some would be equations that would have to be solved to get a positive or negative number.) The winner would be the first person to get to +20.

The only problem, and this is definitely an example on inexperience, was that I made an equal number of cards that moved a student forward and moved them backwards. Can you tell what happened? For an entire math period, students stewed in frustration as the hung towards the middle of the number line, mostly around zero. No one won, because all the negatives and positives canceled each other out! It didn’t end in riot or anything, and I quickly declared everyone a winner…but it certainly was one of my more rookie mistakes of the year. In a way, I needed that humbling moment to remind me that I am still learning.

Book Recomendation For Teachers:

2008-02-04T18:07:00.000-08:00

A Piece of Cake was an amazing read that I think all teachers in urban schools should definitely take a look at.

If you have students in foster home arrangements, you should read this book.

If you are suspicious of students being sexually or physically abused, you should read this book.

If you have students who experiments with drugs, you should read this book.

If you have students who engage in gang activity, you should read this book.

If you couldn't put down A Child Called It, you should definitely read this book.

A Piece of Cake is a memoir…a story that happened to a real person, Cupcake Brown…and this tale follows a young black girl from the death of her mother, to the abuse and rape in foster care, through the neglect of social services through the foster program…and observes a young woman making all the wrong choices: drug use, prostitution, and the joining of the Crip gang. While all illegal actions aren’t celebrated, they are explored with honesty…allowing readers inside the mind of an abused child reaching womanhood and seeing her gangster homies as a safe-place, and her drugs as an escape.

This book really made me think about my students, and could have been written about them. I have teenage students who are in and out of foster homes, sometimes on the streets. M, my 17 year old father of a 3 month old baby gets high almost every day. And if I get inside his head, I can see why. All the pressure of fatherhood and the growing sense that he’s headed for an IEP diploma, so why give a shit? Is evident.

And isn’t the truth that once we understand and can isolate what holds our students back, isn’t that when we can help them persevere?

Uber Inspiration

2008-02-01T14:16:00.001-08:00

It’s been a crazy, chaotic couple of months. The holidays wiped me out, and the time after Christmas break and before the start of the new semester put me in the lowest mood of the year. It was merely a funk where all the issues of being a teacher seemed to be chained to me and dragging me down. Overwhelmed is the right word, and I felt like I was losing an uphill battle. The momentum of moving toward Christmas broke and I was left in an educational freefall.

Thankfully, that was a temporary funk.

In more upbeat news I had a glorious victory with a favorite student of mine.

L is by far my favorite student of the last two years. She’s more learning disabled than emotionally disturbed and is wonderfully behaved. L is a beautiful 16-year-old with devastatingly low confidence and a give-up-quick attitude. I have been working since September to build her confidence, and I have seen much progress. In ELA my L takes more risks, answers questions in front of the class, and I can even get her to read aloud once in a while. Math is a whole different story. Let me tell you, when it comes to math, this girl will shut down.

When the majority of my students become stumped with their classwork they throw chairs, stomp out of the classroom or curse me out; L will merely put her head down and refuse to acknowledge the presence of math. At least, it used to be that way. Math class has a push-in during my lunch, but I found that working one-on-one with L during my lunch brought her great success with practicing math. She and I are fond of using bright-colored transparancey pens on the cream-colored desks in my classroom, and she has shown great progress:

September assessment of math skills: 2.7 grade level

January assessment of math skills: 4.5 grade level

Yes, I am mostly happy for L…she really has come a long way and she rarely shuts down when it’s time for math. But more so I am very pleased to bear witness to actual student progress, to be able to measure how far a student had come from.

Now, here’s the really good news. Last week L passed her math RCT. She and I studied after school everyday for two weeks, worked very, very hard…to the point of frustration. We knew she had to get 39 out of the 60 RCT questions right to pass, and L told me that last year she didn’t even answer the written portion of the exam, only the bubble-ins.

“L, pass or fail I will be proud if you do your best to answer every question.” That was my goal for her, to overcome her desire to give up. I was determined to make L determined…even saying that a wrong answer was ok because it meant she tried at least.

I wept when I heard the news, L got the exact number right (39) that she needed in order to pass. Amazing. I had a feeling she’d be close to passing, that I could tell her that she was really close, did really well and we could work towards her taking the RCT again in June… Simply stellar!

And the best thing? Now she has quantitative proof that she is able to achieve things she works hard for. L can see for herself how far hard work brought her, and that is an incredible feeling for a child. I can honestly say, with a full heart, that I have never been more proud of another person…or of myself.

Real World Curriculum, Epilogue

2007-11-13T16:45:00.000-08:00

So fast forward to this moring while I wait for my students to arrive.
The AP that i like the most came up to me and said:

"What are you trying to do to me, Ms. C? How can I approve you going to the Gap? Write up you're going to Rochefeller Center to learn the history of the tree, don't tell me you're going shopping."

So I wrote up some bogus, made-up field trip, and it was approved. And more importantly, I l learned two things during this interesting situation:

1. You can lie to your administrators in order to look good, as long as they know you are lying.

2. Administrators automatically assume the worst of teachers, like they plan their fieldtrips to go shopping.

Real World Curriculum

2007-11-12T12:46:00.001-08:00

I’ve been irritated lately at work, and my students haven’t been the cause.

Supposedly there have been cutbacks at my school, as of late…and my school has put the kibosh on fieldtrips. Let me remind you that last year the sky was the limit and I was always reimbursed for not only trip costs, but lunches for the students as well.

I took a couple deep breaths, and decided that I could still take my kids out on educational trips sans cash. My first creative idea spawned an entirely new unit of study I cooked up: job skills. This mixed hygiene health, economics, and ELA and the unit of study would include resume building, how to dress and act on a job interview, how to fill out a job application and mock interviews for the students. The culmination would be a trip into the real world and to an open interview day at Old Navy where students could fill out applications. The students and parents were behind me in this, and I felt it was really useful to teach real-world application for academic skills.

Apparently I was wrong as my fieldtrip proposal was rejected. The reason? “Curriculum doesn’t cover this” was what my assistant principal wrote on my proposal. This confused me, because I tell my kids everyday that we come to school in order to be ready for the real world. I guess the real world and gainful employment isn’t part of my school’s curriculum.

Good for a Laugh

2007-11-10T20:58:00.000-08:00

I don't know about other cities, but New York makes teachers have mandatory professional developments days on Election Day. A tried and true tradition that bores and annoyed thousands of educators each year in November. Our school's union rep stated our feelings very succinctly with this joke:

A venerable teacher passes away and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter leads the teacher through a poor looking neighborhood with small, run-down houses. “Is the is where teachers go when they die?” asked the teacher.

“No,” St. Peter said, “This is where lawyers go.” They continued walking and came to a community of middle class homes in mediocre repair.

“Is this where teachers go when they die?” the educator inquired again.

“No, this is for the doctors,” answered St. Peter. Finally, they arrived at a magnificent mansion within a beautiful grounds. The teacher looked around in amazement at his good fortune, but paused when he noticed that not a single person was to be seen. “Where are all the other teachers?” the instructor asked.

“Oh,” said St. Peter, “Today they’re in Hell. It’s aprofessional development day.”

Is it too late for Halloween?

2007-11-04T14:03:00.001-08:00

Maybe it’s a little late for Halloween…but here’s some pumpkin self-portraits my students created!

The cool thing is that if you go to the Union Square farmers market around closing time you can walk away with super-cheap pumpkins. Boyfriend bought me 10 good-sized pumpkins for $15….which is unheard of in the 5 boroughs. The bodega down the street was charging $5 for one similar-sized gourd.

Education is Tasty!

2007-10-22T13:17:00.000-07:00

Hey Folks. Just a quick note, since I’m running like crazy:

Teaching health or nutrition? Use smoothies! Last Friday I dragged my blender into the classroom and had students learn good nutrition and correct serving size by making their own smoothies! It was a total bitch to schlep in all the supplies, but the students enjoyed using measuring cups and the blender to make their own smoothies.

Ingredients:

Can of pineapple juice, Carton of OJ, Frozen strawberries, a bunch of bananas, can of diced pine apples.

A serving of fruit is a half cup, so students measured out half cup servings of fruit into their smoothies and added ice. You’d be surprised how many teens don’t know that 8 oz. of ice is a serving of water. Each smoothie ended up being approximately 10 oz, with at least two servings of fruit.

After the students left I was tending bar for beloved coworkers, making smoothies so I wouldn’t have to take ingredients home. Smoothies make friends! And no added sugar!

(C'mon!) Feel The Noise

2007-10-15T13:49:00.000-07:00

The second fieldtrip of the year went off without a hitch. For an added twist, we went to the movies on a Monday…not a Friday. Thos of you who read my blog last year remember my students and me showing up to a sold out theater…Monday worked out so much better.

As a class, we saw Feel The Noise…and my students loved it. And before you say there’s no academic merit in this kind of film remember that the best lessons are served with a dollop of sugar. The movie was actually pretty blah and generic, but taught a powerful lesson against gangs, and stood up for artists on the street. The values I’d want my students to display in my classroom were modeled by actors and made palatable for my Street-hardened students. (Not to mention the theme of “follow your dreams!” )

I'm still here!

2007-10-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lapse in writing—I’ve been crazy busy with my students. Fear not, though! My second year is shaping up to be really good. I have very high functioning students with high reading levels…and frankly they are running me ragged because all my assignments and lesson plans they simply burn through. That’s cool thought. If my students are willing to do the work, I’m ok with creating more.

Here’s a little something that really inspired me:

I’ve been working with a student who’s all geared up to enter the work force. He’s not a behavior issue, more of an attendance problem. But I’ve been getting him to come in by finding time to help him with his resume, posting on Monster.com, working on job applications and holding mock interviews. So the student and I have been working pretty hard over the last month, and last Thursday night I got a call on my cell. It was J, my student, calling me because the manager of Boston Market called him in for an interview. J wanted me to know, and he sounded so proud and excited! I was the first to know. And if j gets the job….I’ll be getting some discounted rotisserie chicken: My favorite!

The Meaning of a Name

2007-09-17T14:12:00.001-07:00

I like to think that one of the reasons that misbehavior, violence, and gang activity are so prevalent in the population I teach is due to a lack of meaning in my students’ lives.

When children grow up without learning to value themselves and positive things in their lives (Or without having positive things to value) it sometimes manifests in the devil-may-care attitude that many ED kids possess. If a student doesn’t value himself, then no amount of positive behavior management or negative consequences can make that kid buy into the school system.

My goal for the year is to help each student realize and recognize some of the meaning in their own life. I’m not looking for huge changes, but hopefully a decline in the most dangerous and risky behaviors that my students often display.

I started the “Meaning”ful goal in a very literal way this school year. For each student I adhered a name tag to their desk with the researched meaning of their name. I was surprised with how tickled many of my students were, they walked around the classroom reading their meanings and the meanings of their classmates. Most of the students thought it was cool, and one students asked me to look up his middle name as well.

What interested me, is that several different names had a similar meaning of leader, king or teacher…and all the meanings were positive.

It’s a small start, but at least it was a positive one!

The Golden Rule(s)

2007-09-11T13:13:00.001-07:00

I was recently asked by a reader about my rule policy. The Vegas Art Guy asked:

“Did you have lots of rules that you enforced or did you just have a few set in stone that were never to be broken?”

One of my biggest mistakes as a first year teacher was to copy the rules that another teacher had posted in their classroom, and merely hang them up in my room. The rules were the classic set; keep your hands to yourself, ask if you need to leave the classroom, no cursing…etc. I referred to the “class rules” a few times during the first few days of school…but didn’t review them nearly enough. And I suffered all year for it. When veteran teachers advise new teachers to really spend three weeks going over class procedure—they have the right idea! A month spent early in the year on giving students orientation and limits saves so much time in the end!

This year I started the students off with discussing the difference between rules and expectations, and we came up as a class with a set of classroom expectations. The first day we came up with general classroom expectations, the following day we came up with fair computer expectations and the next day we did the same for quiz/test expectations. We did it all, as a class and expressed both teacher and student’s issues with the limits. The only issue is the idea of rules is so ingrained in my mind, I keep slipping up and trying to call the expectations rules and have to be corrected.

The classroom rules we came up with were:

I will not be pressured by the bad behavior of others.
I will allow other the personal space to succeed.
I will respect myself and others.

It’s three umbrella expectations that all other rules fall under. We discussed as a class what respect is, what it sounds like, and looks like…and really gave a depth of though to what is expected in class from both staff and students. (I’m sure my paraprofessionals were thrilled when I mentioned that classroom rules were meant for both students and staff) And even though it’s still the honeymoon period I’ve noticed a huge difference between my student’s actions this year. It’s a smaller amount of rules, so I think they’re easier to manage…but I also have a separate form of rules for different procedures in the class. And the main three are set in stone.

Good news for 1st year teachers: 2nd year is better!

2007-09-10T14:40:00.000-07:00

Well, so far my second year of teaching doesn’t suck. In comparison to my first year, it’s heaven! I haven’t burst into tears at all! I feel busier, but also more confident in my abilities, and I’m definitely up to the challenges the new year brings. I have slightly older students (9th graders that have failed a few times and 10th graders who haven’t passed NY standardized testing) and they are highly functional with an average reading level of 7th grade! Compared with the 3rd grade reading levels from last year…I’m in academic heaven! However, the beginning of the year is always the busiest for me (I haven’t left my school before 4:30PM yet) so I’ll need to leave this entry short and give you a quick run down of how the second year is way better than the first year of teaching.

Why the 2nd Year of Teaching is Just Plain Better:

-I know where the copy-basket is.
-I know who I can bother to get copies really fast.
-Students can’t accuse you of being a first year teacher. (Somehow they can smell it on you, the first year)
-I hold actual conversations with other teachers…That’s right, they bothered to learn my name after I stuck around for a year. I feel like I’ve been initiated into a club after a full year of hazing.
-Already, I have dozens of lesson plans I can use for the kids without any extra work.
-Word has spread from my old students to my new students, and they have a pretty good idea about who I am, and what I am about.
-I know the names of the security guards.
-I’ve beaten the classroom rules and expectations into the grounds with my students.
-I have a better idea of what students I can push, and which ones I shouldn’t bother.
-I’m ok with giving the students break time, and for the most part they meet me half way and complete work.
-I know the power of using games for learning. Seriously, with a little ingenuity any lesson can be tied to a game, and once you have the kids playing…they buy into the lesson more.
-I’m friendly with the IT staff, and they are very helpful.
-I’m taking less crap from paraprofessionals and asserting myself more.
-I haven’t said anything undiplomatic to administration.
-There are other new teachers! I’m not the lowest man on the totem pole!
-I have positive relationships in place with students outside my classroom. When students in my class who don’t know me see that their peers respect me, I’ve found that it guides their perception of me in a positive way.
-Already I have at least 50% of the school supplies I’ll need for the year.
-I know the janitors’ names, and we’re on good terms.
-I’m more able to discern truth from lie 40% more often, and can usually tell when I’m being BSed.
-My voice doesn’t waver when I talk to parents on the phone.
-I haven’t had to call security yet for violence in my room.

Ten Rookie Mistakes of a First Year Teacher

2007-08-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

The fact of the matter is, if you’re a new teacher—you’re going to screw up. The Teaching Fellows program and new teacher induction will tell you there’s a “learning curve” for new teachers, and this is a very nice way of explaining the numerous gross errors you will perpetrate in your classroom before you straighten up and learn your way.
But if you’re any good you’ll learn and you’ll easily avoid the gaffes in April that you blundered into in October.

Here are the top ten slip-ups, faux pas, bungles, and flounders I caught myself executing during my first year as an educator. Some are special ed. specific, but many are missteps that any new teacher could stumble through.

1. I spent three days of going over procedures and rules instead of three weeks. This was my main oversight for the year, I spent way too little time on classroom expectations and paid for it all year with an increasingly unruly class. The problem was that I didn’t know how to broach my expectations for students and consequences in a spiraling fashion, I just went over it once, posted the rules and dove right into academics.

2. I was a rube and offered seemingly boundless extrinsic rewards (otherwise known as bribery) From day one I handed out Tootsie Rolls to students who filled in their blue identification cards correctly. By the end of the year, not only was I out tons of cash in which I bought bribes, but I found that my kids were now trained to only do work if a reward was involved. Even worse, I only gave treats out for good work or behavior; however my para just gave gum and candy out to whomever asked…so ultimately they treated her with more respect.

3. I crossed the line from friendly to informal. Repeat after me: you are not your student’s pal. I found myself being way too open with my students, initially sharing a lot of info about myself…and that ended up being a bad idea as students took my informality as a welcome for disrespect. This year I plan to exercise kindness and warmth without being an open book for my kids. Oh, and know this: students will try to look up your MySpace page…so make it private or risk them bringing up that way-too-personal photo of you.

4. I would make empty threats. In September I was making five phone calls a night, on Fridays I called the families of students who were really good. I thought I was a rock star because I called whether students were good or bad. By November it was over. But if you tell a kid you’re going to call, and don’t make good on your threat…it’s pretty much over for you; the student will know that they can get over on you with no sweat. Be consistent and follow up your threats! You’re only as good as your word.

5. I let my paraprofessionals run the show. I was 23, my paras were in their 30’s and 40’s…and I was shaking in my shoes when it came to asserting myself in the classroom. The result was that they didn’t do their job, left me with tons of extra work, and often left alone in my classroom. If you’re like me, you’re not too keen on confrontation, but realize that if your paraprofessionals mess up it’s still your ass/job on the line. Just like with the students, make your preferences and expectations known from the beginning.

6. I made two many calls to School Security each day. I was so freaked out by my student’s misbehavior that I was calling school safety nearly every day, and it got to the point where they wouldn’t answer. The realization that I was leaning on security too heavily came the day that the officer came into my room, saw the student laying over my desk casually tossing my belongings into the trash bin, and promptly walked out shaking her head. When you rely too much on administration and security for classroom management you give up your own power as a teacher and disciplinarian, not to mention you look like a wuss, not to mention you are viewed as an annoyance.

7. My classroom routines were established too late. It was December before I had all my routines posted and in place. By then it was hard to make students truly adhere to the rituals of the classroom. When they didn’t follow the routine, they didn’t do the work and they acted up considerably. By May they followed the routine pretty well…but all that wasted time haunts me. This year I will be all about the routine from the get go, and my classroom should work like a well oiled machine. (Ha!)

8. I engaged in arguments with students (and I let them see me sweat!) Little known fact: students test boundaries and want to see if you’ll take the bait. Each time they insult your shoes, tell you that you’re a bad teacher, or say their mom is going to slap you they are testing whether they can get under your skin. When you snap back at them, or get into a verbal battle…they win. And it’s fun for them. Seriously, many of my students can’t read and only are coming to school so they avoid truancy or their probation officer; if they can liven up their day by making the teacher scream and rip out her hair, all the better! Kids are so smart it’s scary, and they will act like an evil mirror reflecting your worst qualities; once they see what sort of comment or action provokes you, it’s all over. My example is my desk; all year I was vulnerable because the kids learned to pick the lock on my drawers and rifle through my belongs—this would drive me to shout and actually chase students around the room. To a student seeing a teacher actually run to a desk before a student got his hands inside must have been as entertaining as hell…Finally I had to face facts and just act like it was no big thing that the kids were stealing my post-it notes and making paper-clip necklaces. After I moved my valuables to my padlocked closet, of course. Once I didn’t care the students saw they couldn’t get a rise out of me and left my desk alone.

9. I retreated to my desk. Again with the desk! I often used my desk as a barrier between myself and students, and this negatively and unconsciously constructed a barrier between us. I’m not saying I sat at my desk all day, or never stood in front of the class while I instructed; but during down time it was my natural default to sit at my desk while I readied assignments or grade papers. This left me really isolated and created an air of inapproachability between me and my students. This year I’m moving my desk to the far corner of the room so I am forced to sit at the student table and be among my kids more.

10. I let people intrude upon my lunch break. New teachers: keep your lunch hour holy. This is the time for you to relax and unwind for 50 minutes before the screaming hordes of students return to class. Let’s be frank: I was a pushover for any administrator, counselor, or student who wanted to meet during my lunch…and often I didn’t face the afternoon as a refreshed and enthusiastic educator. If you have to leave the classroom or teacher lounge and get outside: do so. Don’t pick up your classroom phone, don’t commit to meetings, don’t let students “hang out” in your classroom. Maybe in a few years you can spread yourself thin and can teach well while tired, but for now I recommend taking some time for yourself because you’ll need all the energy you can muster.

Don’t despair, new teachers. The mistakes you’ll make will lead to a metamorphosis to an incredibly dynamic instructor. Hang on, don’t lose your excitement, and you’ll definitely survive the year.

Lazily Embarking on the Second Year

2007-08-21T11:38:00.000-07:00

Thinking back to a year ago I remember how tightly wound I was concerning my first year of teaching. I was reading oodles of teacher blogs, buying hundreds of dollars worth of supplies, and gearing up for the most harrowing and rewarding journey of my life. When I’ve met with new teachers without that first make-or-break year behind them I can’t help but notice how fresh and shiny they look. Was I ever so unmarked? Did the year change me so much?

I’ll level with you, I haven’t started supply shopping yet. I’ve been vacationing all over the U.S. and sleeping in, getting sun burn and seeing friends…I’ve been resting, and I can’t make myself feel that beginning-of-the-year panic. I thought I’d spent the whole summer devising ways to ease my second year of teaching, but no; I’ve been occupied.

On top of my summer grad work I took a six day course by the department of ed. Called Life Space Crisis Intervention; and aside from giving me a certification that looks neat on my resume it really helped me gain perspective on helping kids who lash out. Now, I’m not about to jump on the Ed-terminology bandwagon because the course really did throw a lot of needless buzz words out (like reality rub, red flag, or symptom estrangement) but the basic theory was that educators need to step back, keep their feelings in check and handle students in crisis (that means students who are freakin’ out) without getting drawn into their anger. It’s good stuff to know, and it got me out of the house.

I have one more vacation planned for the summer, a long weekend in my hometown…and my plan for the week if to find a suitable teacher-planner for the upcoming year. I feel that all other supplies can wait until I can inventory what I have left from last year.

Teachers, enjoy those last few days before you head back to school.

New Teachers, take a day to pamper yourself and get ready for the ride of your life.

Ms. C is Center Stage!

2007-08-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

It’s still summer, right?

So why was I standing on stage, by myself, in front of 300+ new teachers?

My mentor, assigned from the Department of Ed e-mailed me concerning the opportunity to speak on a panel of four, to the new teachers of 2007-2008, and share my experiences with teaching. And make $39 an hour doing it.

Yeah, me. The first problem was being told to “stay positive” so in answering questions I needed to edit my first year of a teacher. At first this really irked me, and I planned to lead in with the story of my concussion in October just for spite. I wish someone had told me about the pitfalls a new teacher can fall into regarding students, and also staff politicking. However, in the end I decided to be benign and not scare the new hires too much.

The second problem is that nothing related to the DOE goes right. The new teacher orientation was supposed to start promptly at 8…but due to technical trouble didn’t start until 9:15. The microphone didn’t work properly. And….the other three panel member didn’t show up.

So there I was, extolling the virtues of being on of New York’s brightest solo.

And I get to do it again for a later orientation.

The best part? After I gave my inspiring speech one of the would be Teaching Fellows who visited my class in the Spring came up to me, and I was really bowled over by how proud I felt of my part in others journey through teaching.

The First, Lazy Week of Summer

2007-07-04T12:38:00.000-07:00

Happy Forth of July…and a week since I gave up my classroom keys and once again became an education civilian. I’m sure you’re wondering what amazing teaching techniques I’ve been studying during this first week of reprieve…and sadly I must say none.

I’ve slept…a lot. My honey thinks I have mono, and not-so-secretly hates that I get to sleep in while he heads to work.

Transformers movie. Who doesn’t love it when giant robot cars fight? Plus I figure it’s something I talk to my students about next September.

I raided NYC library and horded up on guilty pleasure reading. For 10 months I’ve read manily education-based books for my grad classes…but with some time on my hands I can read for pleasure on top of my grad work. If I had to say what I missed most during my first year of teaching…it would be freedom to get lost in a book.

To get out of the house I grabbed an audiobook version of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and started walking ‘round Brooklyn.

Junk-food TV. All the best crap-TV shows come out during the summer, and I love not being too tired at the end of the day to enjoy their absurdity.

I’ve called/written/emailed those friends and family members I put on the backburner while my classroom was coming down around me. I needed to take that moment to reconnect.

I signed up for the Life Space Crisis Intervention professional development courses. It will impress my principal, and give me a neato certificate I can add to my resume. Not to mention I can learn some good classroom behavior tools.

Took some time to really appreciate my cat. He’s freakin’ awesome, and doesn’t mind when I call him “Teacher’s Pet.” What? Don’t judge me.

Played video games. Enjoyed those little fun things I used to do before panic attacks were a weekly occurrence.

I’ll start planning next year’s onslaught in a few weeks. It didn’t seem possible…but this summer seems so sweet and pure and precious. Thinking back on my childhood I remembered how much I loved Summer as a kid, but now it’s that same feeling as a teacher: Freedom and infinite possibilities.

First Thoughts on the End of the Year

2007-06-27T11:47:00.001-07:00

These are my initial, fragmented thoughts on completing my first year of teaching. I promise to write more and expound later, but right now I want to capture a complicated feeling.

-Everyone is nicer at the end of the year, other teachers are more friendly, first names are thrown around, and people chat more. I learned first names of some teachers for the first time this week gone past.

-I have invested a seed of friendship with many people in my school…and really didn’t think about missing those folks until today.

-What am I going to do with two months of paid, free time? (Aside from summer classes)

-Oh my god, I made it. Relief. I haven’t started true reflecting yet, but I can say I made it.

-Damn, teaching is really hard. Harder than I thought. This one year felt like six. I gained 20 stress-pound and lost 15. Goal for next year: take better care of my body and don’t let stress control food consumption.

-Taking the classroom apart really sucks. And those barren walls and empty bulletin
boards are ugly.

-I hated throwing away student work, and resented my students for not taking it home. Then I felt pity that they weren’t proud enough of their academics to WANT to take them home.

-Note to self: Write a blog post later this week about how teacher parties really rock.

-After teaching ED (emotionally disturbed) students for a year, I feel pretty ED.

-I locked myself in a bathroom and sobbed like crazy when my last student left around 11 this morning. Tears built from a complicated mix of pride and fear for this student’s future. I don’t have any kids of my own, but I imagine having a child must be a little like this.

-The RCT math results came in last week…and my school did really, really bad. But two of my students passed. I called one student last week and left a voice mail where I must have sounded insane, screaming and getting emotional about how proud I was. That student called back today a little after my crying jag…And I got to tell him to his face (To his voice?) how impressed I was.

-Proctoring exams for ED kids is torture. It broke my heart to see them struggle so hard to stay seated for 3 hours at a time, and get frustrated with only answering a few questions on their scantron.

-I’m a teacher. I teach in Brooklyn. This is real. Teaching made me feel alive. I can do this for another year, maybe I could do it for 20.

-Already I miss the awesome air conditioning in my classroom.

-How do you go from seeing people everyday for 10 months…and then not at all for 2 months?

-Thank the lord I had the good sense not to pursue teaching summer school this year. I don’t think I’d survive the coursework, teaching, and getting ready for next year without burning out mid September.

-I feel like a real adult, building networking relationships with other adults.

-There will be new, first year teachers starting next September. I look forward with morbid curiosity to watching another person travel that same road I just traversed.

-This year has been hell on my emotions. I’ve cried like a sissy in joy, frustration, despair and fear. I’ve brought anger home, and gone without sleep. Am I still me? Am I a different me?

-Teaching poverty level minorities has really made me more sensitive to the everyday prejudice that goes on. (I went to a Mets game yesterday and saw an usher escort a white family to their seats, brush the chairs off and pleasantly remark to enjoy the game. I saw the same usher merely point in the general direction of seats for a black family. WTF?)

There will be more later, and it will be more cohesive. I can’t really focus on more than the weird sense of loss and accomplishment…and the fact I get to sleep in tomorrow.

Congratulations all new teachers.

The Writing On The Wall

2007-06-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

There is one student in my classroom who I trusted enough to tell that it was my first year teacher. I don’t know why, I think I just needed one student to know. Or I needed to know that someone knew that I may be inexperienced, but I’m doing my best.

Anyway, she never betrayed me to other students who would abuse the knowledge. (most students were intuitive enough to know that if it wasn’t my first year, it was damn close) And knowing that she knew the truth lent us a bond where I could ask her how I was doing, or how I could change stuff and generally take the temperature of the class through her. The student was honest and helpful, and at times trying and cross…and today while she and I were taking down classroom paraphernalia I looked over at the blackboard and saw this:

The writing on the wall wasn’t just a message of thanks; it was hope for the upcoming year.

Final Exams are Making Me Bitter.

2007-06-14T18:37:00.000-07:00

Regents have started, and the principal is very gung-ho about the percentage of students that must pass the math regents in order for her to look good. I hate to sound bitter during my first year, but it makes no sense when the administration acts incongruent with their expectations of the student body.

On one hand the principal rallies the teachers during weekly meetings to encourage kids to go to the after school tutoring program so they can increase their chance of scoring higher, offering gift certificates and prizes for students who attend, and on the other hand the principal could be overheard in a public part of the school (i.e. not in the privacy of her office) in the following casual conversation

Student: “Can I get a $5 McDonalds gift certificate if I pass the regents?”

Principal: “Of course! If you pass the regents I’ll give you a $25 gift card.”

Student exits.

Principal: “It’s not like he’s going to pass anyway, it’s the regents.”

Silence.

Principal: “Ten minutes in and he’ll be done.”

And I'm left wondering what purpose demeaning students serves. (No, I'm not perfect and I have awful days where I curse student's existence...but still, I try not to vent where other students and staff can hear. I appreciate a good beer out with fellow teachers.)

In other news, I proctored my first test alone today. It was a regents where you have to get the kids to put the test booklet back in the envelope and cover it with the big rectangle sticker. You know, where the test preparer counts everything eight times and threatens your unborn children if you lose anything, or don’t put the test booklet numbers in the window.

It was great fun! Except because it was such a big deal everyone and their mother was calling me, or banging on my door, or needing something from me. Why does that always seem to happen?

YOU'RE FIRED! (Or, why I haven't written lately)

2007-06-12T12:51:00.000-07:00

To make a long story short, the new principal tried to fire me. Don’t worry, I still have my job…I just wanted to let things cool down before I wrote a post about the fiasco. (I even contemplated glossing over the whole debacle and not mentioning it at all)

The principal was very friendly when she pulled me into her office (i.e. smiling, complimenting the top I wore) so I didn’t automatically think I was in trouble. When I heard the news, my face fell.

“You don’t really fit my vision for the school,” was what the principal said, citing that my classroom management needed polish, and that I may be too young to teach the population.

After her spiel she had the grace to say I looked surprised. Since I had gotten S’s in all my observations, and no one had remarked on my management skills before, needless to say I was very shocked. Diplomatically, she offered to score me an interview with a principal from her old middle school, since I’d “work better with younger kids.”

I was choked up. I spent my whole year working hard, getting better, and learning…and only to find out that the principal wasn’t willing to give a first year teacher a shot at putting what I learned into practice. Who expects a teacher to be perfectly on game the first year they teach? I was told from everyone I spoke to that the first year was the hardest…but it really broke my heart that some people “weren’t willing to wait.”

You may ask why I didn’t stop the meeting, get up, and get my union rep in the room. My only excuse is that I didn’t know I could leave a meeting, and I was also terrified. But you can bet your sweet behind that I went straight to the union after I left that office.

My chapter leader was ready to fight, and told the principal so. However, the next day I was asked to meet with the AP. I grabbed the union rep, and was told by the AP that the principal had “reconsidered” and that I could keep my job. It’s my theory that the principal assumed I would just cut my losses and go to another school…roll over and die without trouble.

But I like my job, and I love my kids…I’ve built relationships with people in the building. I know who to go for to get quick copies and who to sweet-talk for extra supplies…But it took me a year to build that.

In the few weeks that passed it’s been like nothing had ever occurred. On the one hand, I’m relieved and happy to know I have a job to come back to in September. But some of the joy has gone out of the work, as I imagine I’m being watched closer. What happens if the administration really wants to get rid of me, and they start a paper trail early next year? I feel like slogging through the political muck is harder work that teaching ED students!

Ain't No Cure for the (almost) Summertime Blues!

2007-05-24T13:03:00.000-07:00

It’s been a while since I’ve written, and mainly it’s because I’m blocked. It’s been a rough couple of weeks with the weather change and the tedium in my classroom. Classroom management that I thought I had down started flaring up again, and most days I’ve been coming home exhausted and depressed. I feel so emotionally invested in my students at this point, but it feels like one step forward three steps back.

A wise rope in my support net recently told me that the school year is usually three weeks too long. Well, boy, it sure feels that way! Many of my students have checked out for the summer already! My relationships with the students are at their best right now, I’ve bonded deeply with several kids, and the majority of my class tolerate me at least. (I haven’t been called “white bitch” in about a month) But while relationships are great, academically the kids are done. I’m trying to push for one big ELA project writing a persuasive letter, but only half of my class is involved. Threats of Summer school or repeating the ninth grade seem useless to these kids at this point.

Is it Summer yet?

I Want My Two Dollars! (yes, that's a shameless "Better Off Dead" reference)

2007-05-10T13:02:00.000-07:00

As a first year teacher I am slowly becoming aware that the department of education’s system is inefficient and unfair, but recently I have also experienced how cheap the DOE is.

My principal is new, and as a gesture of goodwill she allowed each class a budgeted $15 for a pizza party, to be paid from teacher’s pockets and later reimbursed. I decided not to split hairs and bring up that $15 isn’t much to feed twelve teenagers, but whatever—free is free!

So, last Friday we ordered a large 8 slice pizza and I cut each slice in half so there was enough to go around I paid the pizza delivery person $13 for the pizza and $2 for tip. My students enjoyed some pizza, and I felt good about doing something nice for them, with little out-of-pocket expense (for once!) for me. Today, I went to the office to fill out forms for my $15 reimbursement ($15 is still big money to me with the college loans to pay back and all) and I was told firmly that the DOE doesn’t cover tip. I will be issued a reimbursement check for $13.

At first I was more puzzled than angry. I mean, it’s only two bucks…I’ve wasted more money than that on arcade games and Pixie Stix. However, the more I dwelled on the DO NOT TIP issue the more agitated I got.

Why doesn’t the DOE tip? Did they not expect teachers to tip? Don’t people understand that the tip is part of someone wages? Some guy had to drive that pizza over to the school in his car, stand at the front desk for an eternity while security rang my room, had to endure the taunts and physical aggression of thuggish students in the hallway, and faced the very real threat of being mugged on his way out (it’s happened before). Isn’t that worth at least $2?

The System 1, Ms. C's Students 0

2007-05-09T16:23:00.000-07:00

Something is wrong. Not small-time wrong, not wrong wrong like I forgot to send a Mother’s Day card, but life wreckingly wrong. The “system” in all its nefarious glory is destroying the lives of my students, and all I can do is watch. I have a student whose life is being molded by the failures of society. While my student wasn’t an angel, he definitely doesn’t deserve the damning changes and decisions that were and are made for him. While I really feel powerless to DO anything, I must say something.

Student M is 16 and just started his first job. He’s ED like the rest of my crew, but is relatively calm and shows effort in his schoolwork. M has the highest reading and math levels in my class and I’m really lobbying to get him moved into inclusion next September. M is the only student in my class who has never been disrespectful towards me, even when I am at my most demanding (or oblivious) as a teacher.

This week M brought in some photos to “show and tell.” Sonogram images. Four months old. My head was reeling, all I could think was that my student convieved while I was his teacher…why didn’t I tell him to be safe? Hell, why didn’t I discretely give him condoms? Why am I teaching freakin’ Ancient Greece BS when this kid’s life is going to revolve around providing for this child? Why didn’t I (or anyone!) teach this kid about not getting a girl pregnant? Oh wait…I remember now: Staff of my school was told to “emphasize abstinence” and only two people in the school were authorized to give out condoms, and only from 8:00-8:50AM or after school.

Teenagers have sex. Fact of life. Students with emotional disturbances have sex too, if not more sex, more often, with more people. I see it in my classroom, I see the students carrying photos of their babies, it’s not a secret. Why?! Why are we teaching abstinence to fragile students who are getting crazy like rabbits in the stairwell? Who does this serve? M is a bright student, M should be allowed to be 16, not worry about being a father next October. I had to leave the room when he told me.

“How do you feel about, M,” I asked.

He cast his eyes downward briefly, and he responded with a heartfelt “ I dunno.”

“Are you scared?” I inquired, never expecting him to answer.

“A little,” M said. And he collected his pictures and went to show someone else, conversation over. We haven’t spoken of it since, but it haunts my thoughts whenever I look at the boy. I can’t help him. What can I do?

I dunno.

Oh no! New Computers!

2007-05-08T13:13:00.000-07:00

Today my classroom got two new computers. They were gorgeous Macs with thin LCD screens and all the trimmings. Like two magic guardians of knowledge and power, they stood dauntingly in the corner. And these wonderful machines of technology created the worst full-class riot I’ve witnessed to date.

Please recall that in November the computers were removed from the class because students ripped them apart. Now, the computers are back, and the class has taken leave of their senses. Students pulling keyboards out of other students hands, rap videos blaring from Yahoo music with scantily clad dancers shaking their be-thonged behinds. A seven students brawl with spine-cracking body throws towards the computer table. Class work was ignored out of hand, and a crowd three person deep ringed the Magic Boxes. Madness and chaos. And that was even before they learned Myspace was blocked out.

I warned them. “Away from the computer guys, we have work to do.”

Ignored.

“Log out the computer now.”

I didn’t even exist.

“Off, now. Don’t make me turn bitch.”

I got a chuckle or two, but all eyes were on the student who had googled an image search on weed.

I yanked the two plugs and faced a sea of angry eyes.

“No one uses the computers until we have a conversation.” I said to the livid and disbelieving teenagers. I went to the chalkboard, wrote “Computer Rules,” and we talked, as a class about rules that would be fair to both teacher and students when it came time to use the computer. I’m proud that the students themselves came up with more than half the rules, like 15 minute limit, and if two people fight over a computer they both lose a turn. I transferred the ruled from board to chart paper and invested in a log in book for students to put names and times they started.

Above all I stressed that students who finish work have first priority over the computers. With five weeks left in the school year, I’m still finding ways to manipulate the students into completing work.

Reviewing My School's "Quality"

2007-04-30T12:48:00.000-07:00

If you’re working in NYC I’m sure you’ve heard of the “Quality Review” that brings people in from England to audit schools and grade them. Nothing specific was ever said on how or what the Quality Review graded, but it’s assumed that schools need to be on best behavior when visited by Quality Reviewers.

My school has been getting ready for the Quality Review for the last five months, making these cute binders for each student (They become projectiles too easily for my taste) and giving teachers all these lists of how their room should look, and what to say if the Reviewer asks any questions. Our weekly grade meetings during a shared prep was based solely on what teachers can do to get the highest grade on the review. Administration was absolutely frantic trying to push many new policies on both teachers and students. (Policies like universal grading systems 8 weeks before the end of the year) It’s safe to say that administration had everyone up in arms about “looking good.” Teachers were bribing students with money to be quiet and do work. This superficiality makes me a little bitter, but I followed along wanting to CYA more than make a stand.

What’s funny is when the Quality Reviewer came recently I only saw her for a few moments during a staged grade meeting that she sat in on, and we never spoke. The gossip mill states that the Reviewer only visited three classrooms in my school before saying that they “saw enough” and left. I never saw the reviewer.

I guess pretending to be a good school isn’t enough. I feel like if administration can spend so much energy in making things look good…why can’t they actually make it a good school?

Fellows Helping Fellows

2007-04-25T13:46:00.000-07:00

Today I came full circle. A year ago I visited my first classroom before beginning summer training as a Teaching Fellow, and today I had a Fellow-to-be observe my classroom.

I have to ask…did my eyes widen like saucers on my classroom visit? Was I so eager to ask questions and wrap my brain around how a classroom is managed?

My guest stayed and asked many questions that I was glad to answer, and more, I got to see my class through a fresh pair of eyes. Yeah, it’s been tough, and yeah I’ve made mistakes…But I’ve also been lucky enough to learn from them. If I were the shiny and raw educator so many months ago I must have grown a little, hardened a little and found some truths that worked.

The Fellow asked if my class and the school were always so crazy, and I responded that it was par for the course. The kids were actually pretty normal: loud, standing on tables, running in and out of the room, cursing at teachers and paraprofessionals, play fighting on the desk. It’s all about that touch and go moments where you can teach a little, feel a bond with a student, and really see potential through the smokescreen of aggression.

I told the Fellow-to-be exactly why I’ll be in the same place teaching the same population next year: First Year is hell, no matter how ready you think you are; but it makes you ready for anything.

An Ugly Double Standard (Caution: This post contains inappropriate langauge)

2007-04-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

It wasn’t even 9AM yet and some student from my school was being carted away in handcuffs for robbing people outside the school. One of the older school-safety guards came into my class to report the going-ons to my paraprofessional and as a parting remark casually said: “If you kids are gonna mug people, don’t do it in front of the school.” With that one careless comment, the whole day was shot.

“Whaddya mean ‘you kids?’ I didn’t rob nobody! You can suck my dick!”

Normally an adult who worked with emotionally disturbed students wouldn’t be unnerved by a cussing teenager. I’ve only been at it a year, but I’m used to kids who will use the word fuck or bitch like a verbal placeholder instead of um. Instead of being understanding the school safety officer retorted with “Fuck you, ya fuckin’ retard! You can suck my ass ya fucking faggot!” before walking out my classroom door.

And chaos ensued. The student ran out the door to cuss more at the school safety guard, several students ran after him, and the remaining students parroted the aforementioned comments at the top of their lungs. No one was doing their ELA work.

Things got worse as the student’s rage got so big that he couldn’t focus it at anyone, and all adults, including my silent self, were a target. At the end the student was in tears and the assistant principal was making arrangements to get the kid into another classroom. I had to step in, explaining that my student didn’t really start it.

He was shouting “You tell us not to fuckin’ curse at adults, ya’ll violated! Fuckin’ hypocrites!” And while I didn’t support the language I had to agree with the sentiment. And I said so to administration. The AP backed down, the student calmed down half way through the day, and I made a point to explain how I felt about the situation: “I don’t condone inappropriate language in my classroom, from students or adults. He definitely shouldn’t have cursed at you, but you shouldn’t have let him get to you and freaked out.”

I salvaged the situation on the classroom end, but remain unsure of what I could do about the school safety officer. He's been at the school for years and years, and I'm very new. I told administration what was said, and that stopped any further punishment against my kid, but doubt any action would be taken against the officer. If I were to make a big stink I'm pretty sure life would get really tough for me, but I just can't bring myself to explain how unfair life really is to my student.

Welcome to the Cold War!

2007-04-18T12:58:00.000-07:00

How many teachers live each day in fear of nuclear attacks? I wasn’t aware that the nuclear holocaust was so near until my administration told me so! That’s right; today my school performed a Shelter Drill! At 1:50 Pm this afternoon administration announced over the PA system that we were having a Shelter Drill, and my colleagues were as perplexed as me! No, we didn’t crawl under our desks and cover our head. Instead we walked out the front door and down the block. Just like a fire drill. I was actually a little disappointed; I was hoping to check out some secret bomb shelter in the basement. How bizarre.

Don't Badger Me!

2007-04-16T13:46:00.000-07:00

Here’s something that will brighten your day as it did mine. A student of mine made this specifically for me when she found out that my favorite animals were badgers. It took her two days, and it is wonderful! I had to busy myself with paperwork because I started getting teary-eyed, it’s such a special thing. I feel all hokey and dorky for loving it, but it is my first Gift From A Student and it makes me feel like I’m doing something right.

Black and Blue

2007-04-14T17:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a week…Let’s just say I earned a whole week’s salary in three days. My students came back with a vengeance and I sense that none of them got anything nice in their Easter baskets. I ended up in a pretty nasty scramble with the 6 foot student who refuses to take his medication on Thursday afternoon. I woke up Friday with a bruise the size of a tangerine on my arm, and had to chat with the assistant principal who agreed to suspend the student, but told me I should have said something sooner.

The struggle started when my student Derek tried to write “You can sock my dick” (his spelling not mine) on the welcome back card for a returning teacher who had been sick for a long while. I got dragged down by the student when he attempted to run out the door with the card. What fries my batter is that Derek didn’t know the returning teacher and had no beef, only wanted to be negative for negativity sake.

On the brighter side, students who saw the bruise were as outraged as other teachers. This was a tremendous surprise! Students who normally couldn’t tolerate me were angry about how I’d been “violated.” It gives me much food for thought concerning the show students put on vs. their true feelings.

The Void During Spring Break

2007-04-11T13:27:00.000-07:00

It’s been a true vacation, this last week away. I woke up last Monday in a cold sweat at 4:15 in the morning. I was awash in the void that is *not teaching* and I couldn’t help but feel isolated. So much of my energy has been focused towards teaching and learning to teach that without school to head towards each morning I am facing a hole in my life.

Where had my hobbies gone? Wasn’t I somebody before I started teaching? Why can’t I relax and just enjoy a week off without feeling restless and prickly?

Is it normal for first year teachers to feel useless when outside the classroom for an extended period of time?

I guess all that matters is that I’m back at school now, embracing the barrage of students because I really missed them.

Alt. Cert. Educators Could Teach Sonia Nieto a Lesson!

2007-03-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

One very important aspect of the teaching profession is that teachers are perpetual learners. That’s why I drag myself out of my classroom and into graduate classes twice a week, that’s why I read whatever educator literature that falls into my lap, that’s why I ask a myriad of questions of every teaching veteran I meet. As a teacher I feel obligated to listen to anyone who I feel I can learn from, even if I learn *not* to do things the way someone else teaches.

Recently I attended a lecture given by Sonia Nieto, the education guru who wrote/edited Why We Teach and What Keeps Teachers Going, among many others. If you’re a teacher on the East Coast and you work with any students near the poverty line, I’m pretty sure you have a good idea about who I’m talking about. This woman is revered in the educational community because of her drive to promote a “passion for social justice” and cultural diversity, but I just want to know why she disregards Teaching Fellows and Teach for America teachers.

The lecture itself wasn’t so great, a lot of Hallmark Card-isms about what makes a great teacher, and how important it is for educators to have a “mission of fighting injustice,” but during the Q&A session in an auditorium that consisted solely of teachers with alternative certification Nieto solidly stood by her traditional teaching roots, even while trumpeted the need for teachers to be creative and to fight for their students rights.

Well let me tell you something, Sonia Nieto: Teaching Fellows sink or swim. Either they teach and teach well, or they quit under the pressure. Teaching Fellows get seven weeks of training and then the spotlight is on, and the show begins. If it doesn’t take an enormous amount of bravery to face a classroom of students on the first day of school after a perfunctory training and not run screaming after the first week…what does? Teaching Fellows can think outside the box, Ms. Nieto, because we come from outside the box. Fellows usually hold other jobs before teaching, and bring those experiences to the classroom. I'm not saying every single Alt. Cert. teacher is a boon to the profession, but don’t hate on us, Sonia Nieto, we’re doing the best we can!

Hard to Teach an Empty Room!

2007-03-27T12:59:00.000-07:00

It’s the last week before the last vacation of the year and my students are absolutely off the wall. The weather is just beginning to warm up and for the second time in two days the majority of my class walked out right after lunch.

Why don’t they want to learn? Students who were asking me last week for extra work to raise their grade are now cursing me vehemently when I gently remind them to complete assignments. This is regression almost to the beginning of the school year for many of my students, I almost don’t know them!

Yes, I know that kids act up more right before a vacation, but I hope and pray that the kids will settle down when we come back in April. Even though my students are special ed, they are standard assessment which means they have to take the same regents and they aren’t anywhere near to being ready. I can’t teach an empty room!

To Party, Or Not To Party...That Is The Question!

2007-03-24T09:38:00.000-07:00

Normally my beau is very supportive of my teaching, offering me foot rubs, a shoulder to cry on and a buddy to drink with when the days are long. However, yesterday morning in our local Rite Aid we had an argument about my students and how I pay out of pocket in order to bribe the kids to succeed on their tests. The row highlighted everything that was wrong with society’s perception of Special Education. I was picking up a 2 liter of Coke for my class, because I give small parties on Friday afternoons if 75% of the class passes their weekly vocabulary test. During this errand my boyfriend stated that he didn’t think it was a good idea to bribe my kids into studying by offering them a party.

It was in that moment that I understood how skewed his view was, as well as most of America is when it comes to kids with emotional disabilities. Special education teachers are the marines of educators, doing more with less, and doing whatever it takes.

Self-efficacy is a buzz word that teaching gurus love to throw around but I can’t help but agree that students will work harder and learn better when they feel they are able to complete a task. My kids are in 9th grade and reading at less than half their grade level; getting students to buy into education is really hard and really important for me. When a student feels in his heart that he can’t do something, trying is a waste of effort and isn’t it easier to not complete an assignment then face the criticism of getting it wrong?

I started the whole party idea about halfway through the school year because I not only had dreadfully low test grades, but half my class wasn’t bothering to even take the weekly quiz. They just didn’t care enough about the grade, because they assumed they would fail anyway.

My beau’s outrage is pretty normal for society, why should kids be bribed to take tests? I could say that no, you don’t bribe general education kids because they either know the intrinsic value of education or care enough about what their family thinks in order to succeed. Coming from general ed you can’t help but think that all schools are like general ed, and I made the same mistake before I set foot in my special ed classroom. Maybe class parties to celebrate passed tests is a desperate move on my part, acknowledging the difficulty in reaching these students and offering tangible rewards like soda and popcorn when praise alone is regarded with suspicion and neutrality. I told my boyfriend that no, I shouldn’t have to bribe these kids to study and do their work, but I will because I want them to do as well as they are able, and even surprise themselves.

P.S. Do you think general education students earn high marks without non-academic incentives? Think for a minute and you’ll realize that plenty of parents bribe their kids; my parents gave me $5 for each A on my report card, some kids got a car for graduating. My students are poor, many don’t live with their parents, and education itself offers more stick and less carrot.

Life Imitating Art Imitating Life

2007-03-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

If you’re an 80’s baby like me, or had a child during the 80’s you might remember the show on Nickelodeon called You Can’t Do That On Television. I personally haven’t though about that show for a decade or more. I was coming home from school today, exasperated and thinking about a particular student that really tests all my patience, and suddenly I had a huge fit of the giggles. A quote from the teacher from YCDTOT, Mr. Schindler popped into my head:

“Where does the school board find them and why do they send them to me?”

Man, ain’t it the truth? Seems like the more things change, the more things stay the same.

Highschool: The Land of Indecent Proposals

2007-03-20T13:02:00.000-07:00

Man, I get more play teaching high school than I ever had in my life. I’m not disfigured or anything…but I feel like a prom queen with a great hair day the way these students catcall me. When I got into the teaching biz I expected a certain amount of “interest,” being young and female; but I get propositioned every day. Sure, I realize it’s for the shock value, and I’m willing to joke back and keep it light.

“No, I’m not willing to be your Wifey”

"I'm sorry, I'm too young to marry you."

“No, I don’t want to go back to your crib and smoke hella bud.”

“Sorry, I only date boys with diplomas” (I know that might get me in trouble if the student actually graduates)

“You wouldn’t want to date me, I give too much homework.”

Being flippant usually works with the majority of the students who are merely playing, and I like to keep a no harm/no foul attitude…not wanting to become that teacher who freaks out and starts throwing around words like “inappropriate behavior.”

However, among the salacious offers there’s one student who seems particularly earnest in his pick-up attempts and I’m finding it hard to shake him. This boy is a student a few classes down, and when I started teaching his was the first name I memorized of students who weren’t in my class. (The school where I teach is small enough that I can say hi to 60% of the students in the hallway by name. And I like that. The students like it too, I think. Who wouldn’t feel good when someone says hi to you by name and wishes you a good morning?)

So this kid is 16, and pretty decent by nature, never particularly rude or nasty like the population tends to be and almost every day he stops by to ask me to “chill in his hood with him.” I’m not willing to be mean to this kid because he’s not being dirty or awful, just asking me to do things a teacher absolutely can’t. The only problem is everything I say ends up sounding like a weak excuse.

Earnest student: “C’mon Ms. C, come to my hood this Friday night, there’s a hot party.”

Ms. C: “I’m flattered, ducky, but it’s past my bedtime.”

Earnest Student: “What about dinner in your hood?”

Ms. C: “It’s inappropriate for a teacher to go out with a student, I could lose my job” (At this point I’m sensing that the student isn’t just playing around, and yeah I’m hiding behind protocol as to not injure the poor lad’s feelings.)

Earnest Student: “C’mon Miss, no one’s gonna know.”

Ms. C: “I’d know and I wouldn’t feel comfortable.”

At this point I busied myself with writing on the board because the whole scenario was making me uncomfortable. The student was incredibly sincere and everything I said sounded like a weak excuse next to the boy’s persistence. I guess I could have gone ahead and mentioned that I had a live-in boyfriend…but that’s classified info, and I’m not sure it would have helped. It seems like all I can keep doing is saying no, as lame as it is. But I feel bad, knowing how often these kids get rejected in life.

Has this ever happened to you?

What a Woeful, Worthless, Waste of a Day

2007-03-15T17:48:00.000-07:00

It’s days like these that kick me in the pants. The classroom was trashed twice, I got nothing but surliness from the students, couldn't teach a damn thing all day, extra paperwork from the administration and parent teacher conferences in the evening. Most first year teachers have serious thoughts of quitting the profession during their trial by fire period, and today is one of those days for me. All the good wishes, the bright ideas, the understanding I (think I) have with students fails me sometimes, and that frustration combined with the disconnect that I sense the higher-ups have concerning what the students can do, and what they want the teachers to somehow produce from the kids. (You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, and you can’t expect someone with a 2nd grade reading level to pass a regents.)

What can I say? Some days are really inspiringf or me as a teacher AND as a person, and even though I can think back to October when almost every day sucked (and was dangerous) it’s still wearying to trudge through the days where every single aspect of teaching goes wrong, you can’t educate worth a damn and the only saving grace is that it’s nearly the weekend and sixty-some days till Summer. There's no real fear of me quitting, and I’m sure after indulging in a night of sulking and a hot bath I’ll be set to face the day tomorrow…But I can’t help but think teaching is really thankless work sometimes.

And no, no parents showed up for parent teacher conferences either. But I didn’t really have my hopes up anyway.

Fieldtrip of the Moving Image

2007-03-10T09:32:00.000-08:00

Last Friday I planned the MOST FUN FIELDTRIP OF THE YEAR, or at least that’s what I taught my kids. We were organized to head into Astoria, Queens to visit the Museum Of The Moving Image, and caustic as ever, many of my little darlings complained that “we only went to museums” and that “they sucked.” I had to hold back a laugh, since the MOMI was only the 2nd trip our class had taken to any museum.

I spent all of last week hyping up the museum, telling my students how so much of the museum was hands on, and how much fun it would be…and for the most part my enthusiasm helped because I had seven students arranged to go on the trip. (I’m used to four students per trip, many opting out in order to smoke up somewhere or get in trouble with the law.) So let’s just say I was incredibly excited to be brining my kids somewhere fun, somewhere exciting, and somewhere out of Brooklyn and their school.

Friday morning I woke up with a head full of lead filings. Sick. First bad cold since I’d moved to Brooklyn over a year ago. Disbelief, disappointment and feelings of what now? Bubbled in my head just like the snot in my nose. Gross image, sorry. I even flirted with the idea of calling in sick.

No way. I just couldn’t. I rallied through a 45 minute shower, trying to clear my head. I downed some Dayquil and mustered up as much strength as I could to face the day. When I walked into school and got all the paperwork together for the trip a colleague asked me why I didn’t just cancel the trip. I was aghast! After all the time I spent talking about it, and how excited I imagined the kids were under their public persona of cool disregard for all things academic? I couldn’t back out now! Besides, it was Friday, and I could coma through the entire weekend and feel better on Monday.

Surprisingly, for the amount of teenagers we brought on the trip there were few snafus. Again, there were a few turnstile jumpers, but it didn’t seem so bad since we all had a school pass to get through free anyway. Why do kids do that sort of thing for attention?
It took just under an hour to get to the museum by train, with several blocks of walking once we got to the surface. The students certainly complained about that.

Diva Student: Ms. C? (Very loudly) Ms. C? How come you always makin’ us walk everywhere? I’m COLD and TIRED! Why didn’t we take the bus?!

Ms C: I asked you guys about the bus, you said yourself you “didn’t want to take no Fing cheese box.” If you like, next time we’ll bus it.

If you’re reading this blog, and you’re looking for an AMAZING place to take your students, taken them to the MOMI…it’s a lot of fun, and your kids will thank you. My kids especially liked the Linda Blair Exorcist robot, but I think that’s because they’re all a little possessed. Ha ha, just kidding. Even though it’s way uncool for teens to show any joy or pleasure in school related activities there was a giant movie camera from 60 years ago that stopped my students in their tracks. “Whoa!” was their consensus, and I felt a little smug about it. In fact, when it was time to scram, I actually had trouble getting the students to leave. Mind you, it was in the video-game room, but knowing that even if the students wouldn’t admit to it, they enjoyed the trip.

We ended the trip by stopping at a nice diner and getting the kids lunch, and it was a pleasure, even in my doped up state, to sit and eat as a “family.” Only one student was rude to the waitress, but other than that no one would have known these kids were special ed. And isn’t that the point?

The Short End of the Stick

2007-03-10T09:02:00.000-08:00

As much as I love teaching, sometimes it feels like a kick to the neck. I was told yesterday that the student from Tuesday’s blog post is being removed from the school for a safety transfer. Thursday she was jumped after school at a local McDonalds and hurt pretty badly. Luckily, McD’s has cameras and the girls responsible were arrested.

But, Jesus, why do these kids do these sorta things to each other? The futility of the situation makes me nauseous, how can my students rise above their environment if they are beaten down even before they become adults? I had such high hopes for this girl in my class, and I still do. The student is very strong, and still smart. But four schools in this year alone will not help this young lady succeed. I feel so impotent as an educator, trying to reach these students who are living such dangerous lives. And even when I tell myself there is no logical way I can touch every young mind that passes through my class, it is indeed cold comfort. Something in the system is not working, and it’s obviously the students who gets the short end of the stick.

"Girls are the Worst"

2007-03-06T14:27:00.001-08:00

Today I faced panic as I have yet to deal with inside a classroom. The veteran teachers always warned me that the female students were the worst, and to some extent I believed them as I observed crazy antics from the girls in my class. (The 14-year-old who got picked up for selling crack was a girl)

However I didn’t truly believe it until today. ED girls can seriously take leave of their senses. In the midst of a Global Studies lesson there was a knock on my door, and stupidly I answered it. In poured a half dozen of the female population, completely disregarding me as I inquired, coaxed and shouted at the students to leave.

The girls dragged one of my students out, inciting her into a huge brawl that took place outside my classroom while I yelled for security to PLEASE come help me. And even more nuts is a 6 month pregnant girl started the fight. Reflexively, another student pushed me out of the way (saving me) from some pretty hard knocks.

Three minutes later two assistant principals, the principal, the dean, the head of security, two security guards and a freaked out teacher (me) were in my classroom dealing with the pregnant student who had a gash on her belly and had fainted in the floor, crying.

Now, I don’t know this girl. I’ve seen her around, but don’t share the bond I feel with my own students. But I was real scared about this girl and her baby, and all thumbs…without anything to do except wipe her brow with a wet cloth and write up the incident.

My student, the non-pregnant one came to me and wanted a high-five for mopping the floor with the other girl. I could only hollowly reason to her that fighting with a pregnant girl was wrong, even if she started it. I never thought I’d have a discussion like that with anyone.

Teacher/Paraprofessional Politics

2007-02-28T12:40:00.000-08:00

At 8:30 this morning a faculty member took my aside to warn me that yesterday a paraprofessional (the faculty member wouldn’t say who) had told the principal that a student told her I had used explicit and sexual language towards them in class.

I was shocked, shattered, and enraged in exactly that order. On the heels of the Piñata incident my demeanor was as clean as soap towards students. It galled me, walking on verbal eggshells, but in order to maintain goodstanding in my school, I wasn't saying boo to a moose. So, when out of the blue I hear that someone is spreading outlandish rumors and putting dirty words in my mouth I was freaked out and angry.

Who do I trust? I went to my chapter leader, and his advice was to continue having no reaction to any inappropriate student comments, and to have him or the union rep present at any other “meetings” the assistant principal wanted to have with me. As for now, since the para didn’t actually hear me say sexual things to a student (Well, duh) it’s all hearsay…but it makes me uncomfortable that my name is on the lips of higher-ups in a negative way.

I just want to teach. 95% of the energy I process is engaged in teaching and my grad classes, my social life and loved ones are pretty much put on hold. I DO NOT have extra energy to waste on worrying over who is saying what to whom.

What makes me even angrier is that no one is attacking the way I teach, but hitting below the belt and making claims about the safety of students. I have to wonder if the mysterious paraprofessional informer had anything to do with last week’s piñata problem.

Even worse is I can’t really imagine why anyone would want to cause trouble for me. Ok, I’m not naïve; I’m aware there is a very tenuous bond between paraprofessional and teacher, and that Teaching Fellow’s aren’t always seen in the most gracious light…But I haven’t anything that could be seen as an act of war towards anyone. I only want to come to work, teach, and go home.

If I wanted politics, I would have run for office.

Anthem For First Year Teachers

2007-02-27T13:43:00.000-08:00

I am going to make it through this year, if it kills me.

Today was a good day. A really good day. And it freaks me out how surprised I am that no one got hurt, nothing in my classroom got harmed, most kids did work, and I actually got through a lesson. My feet don’t hurt, my throat isn’t raw…and I feel pretty good about what I’ve got going on.

However, I have to remind myself that Today is Today…and has no bearing on tomorrow. I feel like if I put my guard down for a split second everything will fall apart and I’ll have kids flying through the air. You may say that I should celebrate the good day, and leave worrying for tomorrow...but I warn you; that's what the grasshopper said to his ant buddies.

Veteran teachers all told me that I have to take it one day at a time…and I laughed off the advice for some corny shtick. But it’s the truth; students are so different day-to-day….and a student who hated me last week actually said good morning to me today.

I tell myself to hope for the best, and throw my Teaching Anthem on the stereo. It’s “This Year” by the Mountain Goats, and it’s one of those tunes that gives me the resolve I sometimes need. (As if I only have to get through this one year and everything will fall into place. I'm not that naive...but it's nice to dream.)

The "Piñata" Problem

2007-02-23T13:13:00.000-08:00

There was an icy fear in the depths of my chest when my assistant principal asked recently to talk with me alone. I may be young, but I’ve been in the working world long enough to know when I’m in trouble. Wracking my brain I tried to come up with all the sins I may have transgressed over the last month…Did I fill out all my phone logs? Did I miss an IEP hand-in date?

“Ms. C, did you tell a student that your butt was a piñata?” The assistant principal asked me once we were seated and alone in my classroom.

“I did say that, assistant principal. But only after the student commented to the lunchroom that I had a big ass,” I said, baffled by why I was having a private meeting regarding lunchroom banter.

“That’s sexual harassment, Ms. C. I understand the student made inappropriate comments towards you, but you should have addressed the comment only by asking the student not to talk to a teacher that way,” said the AP, presumably as she watched my eyebrows crawl up onto my forehead. Would it help if I said that I was using a metaphor?

“It was a playful remark, AP, I didn’t think it was overtly sexual. I felt I could either give a flat ‘don’t do that’ response, or I could let the student know his comment didn’t ruffle my feathers. I honestly didn’t see the harm.” I said, trying to remain calm and not shout about the absurdity.

“If the comment was reported you wouldn’t be allowed to teach until the case was heard out. You might have thought nothing of the comment, Ms. C, but these kids are lunatics, and you’re a pretty girl; they could get the wrong idea.” Pretty girl? Did the assistant principal actually think I was flirting with students?

I salvaged the situation as best as I could, swearing up and down that I would never say anything untoward to students again, but inside I was seething. How could something so benign turn into a big ugly mess? And this happens in a school where a student can curse me out in front of the same AP, and nothing would happen. It’s over now, and maybe it was an inappropriate comment, but it makes me very uncomfortable about teaching. I’ll be watching my words like verbal eggshells.

It seems as though teachers are between a rock and hard place when handling administration and savvy students.

No Smorking on the Subway

2007-02-21T15:08:00.000-08:00

One of the best parts of living in NYC is waiting over a week for someone from Time Warner to come to my home and repair my internet.

Anyway, I’m back and with a fabulous story of my wonderful kids.

It was the end of a pretty average day, I was tired and a little hoarse from shouting…but generally no worse for wear. I was leaving the school and hopping onto an uptown train when I saw a pack of female students from my school a little farther down the car. I knew better than to initiate contact with the kids while outside school grounds, knowing that:

A. I’m not cool at all.
B. I have little authority in the classroom, and absolutely none in public.
C. Even I would have been a little weirded out being hailed by a teacher outside of the high school environment. (Think of that scene from Mean Girls where Tina Fey bumps into her students at the mall.)

So while my antennas were out and I knew the girls were there, I played my cards close to my chest and sat distant from them. (See diagram below)

Now, most of the girls in my school smoke; in the hallways, in the bathrooms, in the stairwell…they’re pretty blatant about it, and on the train several of them had cigarettes out. There was a very stodgy old woman sitting across from me on the train casting disgusted looks over at the students while they laughed and caroused raucously.

“Don’t you dare light that cigarette!” she shouted at the girls in a stern voice.

Oh, brother! I thought. I was seriously feeling pretty defensive towards my kids, of course they know better than to smoke in the subway. Maybe I have been working with minority students too long, but I can get real uppity when I sense irritating injustice…would the lady have spoken up if it were just some white kids instead? Mentally, I rolled my eyes at the elderly woman but said nothing. At least I did until one of the students acknowledged my presence with a hearty hale “Sup, Ms. C?!”

Of course the old lady equated me as their teacher and made a bee-line for the empty seat next to mine.

“Do you TEACH these kids?” she demanded, looking me up and down. I nodded and said yes, not seeing any way out of the conversation.

“HOW?” she snuffed emphatically. And let me add, indignant facial frowns add wrinkles.

How could I respond to this question? I felt loyalty towards these students, hell-bent as they may be. “With patience, understanding and sometimes with prayers,” I told the older woman, hoping that my Yoda-esque response would sate her and make her go away. I just wanted to go home.

“God bless you!” she said to me. Sadly, after that I couldn’t hold onto my moral outrage any longer and explained how the children can’t have all the blame…that the environment and bad/no parenting all mix and create the problem behaviors. I then confidently told her that the girls were good kids at heart, and conspiratorially told the old bag that the kids wouldn’t really start smoking on the train.

So of course, because of my pride, I’m wrong and the girls light up. And not just one or two, but FIVE cigarettes are being passed around. As the subway car grew dusky with the smoke I sighed, working up the resolve to live up the term TEACHER and admonish their behavior. (I felt like such an idiot, and if the lady wasn’t there to judge me, or if I hadn’t come off as the Holy, Helpful teacher I probably would have just changed cars.)

“Guys, that’s really not a good idea. Someone’s gonna end up calling the cops. You guys can’t wait to smoke until you get outside?” I tried calmly appealing to their common sense, meanwhile I’m thinking: Oh god, I’m such a loser…these girls aren’t going to listen to me, I’m going to look impotent and lame. Great.

And the girls laugh, like I knew they would. Though, they didn’t specifically blow smoke in my face like I assumed they would. I ended up hailing a cop upon my exit, partially because the smoke was stinging my eyes and partially out of frustration for my inability to do anything.

Moral of story: If you’re caught practically bragging about being a teacher in poor, urban areas…prepare to back it up with actions, even if it ends up with you looking like a fool.

Know Your Population

2007-02-13T19:48:00.000-08:00

Tuesdays we have a poetry class during ELA, ran by a poetry intern that has been working at my school for nine years.

Today, she left her bag out in plain sight and her wallet “full of credit cards and 200 dollars” was stolen either in my class or the classroom of another teacher.

The poetry teacher frantically passed me in the hallway panicking in a freaked out way (frankly, I freak out pretty bad anytime I think there’s a chance I may have lost something valuable) and hastily panted to me:

“Ms. C, no one in your class would have taken my wallet, would they?”

“Ms. Poetry Teacher, ANY of my students would have gladly taken your wallet,” I replied.

I truly felt bad for Ms. Poetry Teacher; I had my pocket picked in Union Square when I was very new to the city, and the memory still stings when I think about how bad it sucked to call and cancel half a dozen credit cards.

However, this woman worked with emotional disturbed students for twice as many years as I have worked months; I love my kids but I would never tempt my students by leaving personal belongings of value within plain sight.

Don’t be naieve, know your population.

Crack is Wack.

2007-02-06T14:02:00.000-08:00

As the new term starts so does the craziness. One of my students is a “cousin” of another one of my kids (cousin means they live in the same neighborhood, apparently) and Monday I heard from student A that student B was picked up by the cops for selling crack. At first I thought the kid was kidding/lying/hallucinating but lo and behold, Student B didn’t show up and was taken completely off my roster. Student B no longer exists at my school, transferred off to some day treatment center in upstate NY.

She was 14, and selling crack on the street. It gives you an idea about the population I teach.

Fabulous.

Happy Teacher

2007-02-02T13:50:00.000-08:00

Normally I use my blog to complain, de-stress and generally pollute the internet tubes with my shell-shocked bitterness. Today, though, was the day all teachers (especially new ones) dream of: The near-perfect day. I literally walked home with a spring in my step. My kids were pretty well behaved; they stayed in the classroom for the most part, if not exactly in their seats…They were productive: I was able to get them to do a free write, listen to me read a chapter out of Down These Mean Streets, copy a whole page of Global Studies notes AND answer pertinent questions and even got them to organize their portfolio binders. This might not sound like a lot of work to do in a day—but think of the population that I teach; this was more work than I would get out of my students in a bad week.

The students were good, and I was good: on top of the ball as teachers go. And I was shouting! These students respond favorably when you shout at them! How crazy is that?! And I’m getting better at the shouting and the being firm.

I wrote little notes to each student’s parents stating how happy I was with the day’s behavior and productivity.

Now, if only I hadn’t just jinxed myself for a massacre on Monday. Oh well, have a great weekend everybody!

Celebrate the Half Way Point!

2007-01-29T14:07:00.000-08:00

Congratulate me: I’m half as inexperienced as I was half a school year ago. That’s right, February marks the halfway point through my first year of teaching. And boy, was it ever an uphill battle!

I draw a big X in bold black marker through each day that I teach, like notches on a belt. The best advice I ever got was to take it one day at a time, and every day at 3PM I feel like a winner if I get out of the classroom alive. I’m by no means a veteran yet, but I’m making fewer rookie mistakes each day. And I feel triumphant because there are less than half of my original Teaching Fellow cohorts remaining, and the saying goes that if you can make it until Christmas, you’ll make it through the year. I feel older than I was in August, less shiny and more able to think like a teacher.

Important things I’ve learned so far:

1. There is a balance between teaching special ed kids and giving them freedom to fool around; I can get more out of them if I let them muck about each day. Once I started taking the academic pressure of my kids they started hating me less and their grades actually improved. When it comes to work, quality is definitely better than quantity. “Give me 15 minutes of your attention for notes, and the rest of the period is yours,’ is my war cry, and for the most part I can get through a chunk of notes. Mind you, this only works for special ed kids where parents and administration might now be expecting too much from student.

2. Some days, you can’t teach a damn thing. So your choices are to try to trudge through the lesson, get really frustrated and incur the wrath of furious teenagers, or simply hang out. It’s more about taking the pressure of the kids, but realizing that some days just aren’t good for academic teaching takes the pressure off the teacher too. I just make sure there’s work up on the blackboard and books on desks in case administration walks in. CYA and all that jazz.

3. Structure and routine all the way. The Teaching Fellows stressed the importance of structure during the 7-week summer course I took. It was just words until I had twelve pairs of eyes on me, and I had no idea what I was doing. The kids knew I had no clue what was up, and took every advantage. I implanted a routine the 2nd week of class: work on the board each morning listed with numbers and vocab words on chart paper. I’ve added to the routine, changed it up some, and added signs around the room warning kids when the tests are coming. I had too many students ripping up tests because they “didn’t know there was a test today” and “didn’t study.” CYA apparently is for students as well as administration.

4. Don’t bother being hip. You could be the coolest “G” on your street, have awesome tattoos and stories of your gangbangin’ days…as soon as you tell kids you’re a teacher you are automatically files away in students brains as lame with a capital L. So I’ve adopted my lamitude, and embrace it. I even act extra dorky around my kids sometimes, just to get a rise out of them. For instance, when it comes to their ghetto-slang I have no qualms about asking what words mean, and teasing them a little:

Student: “Yo, son, I’m dead ass!”

Ms. C: “Hun, could you explain how your ass died?”

Student: “ Yo, miss, you’re whack! I mean dead ass.”

Ms. C: “ Do you mean like your butt fell asleep? Or are you taking about a deceased donkey?”

OR:

Student coming through classroom door: “I’m Rick James, Bitch!”

Ms. C: “Do you mean ‘I’m Rick James comma bitch’ or ‘I’m Rick James’ bitch,’ meaning that you are a bitch belonging to Rick James?”

Student to class (good naturedly, I hope): “Yo, this bitch is whack.”

Yes, I know that dead ass means dead serious, and yes I know that my student was just quoting the Chappelle’s Show…but the kids would be mortified if they though I watched the same TV shows that they did.

5. Administration contradicts itself and is generally unstable. I’ve gotten memos on new rules, and then had trouble with administration backing me up on them. In my experience administration hasn’t been mean or rude to me, but they haven’t been very helpful either.

6. Never let the kids see you fall down, cry, or otherwise make an ass out of yourself. Seriously, they never forget. I slipped out of a chair the third week in school, and students who weren’t even in the room regale the story like they had front row seats. I keep a solid grin on my face, and try not to rise to the bait. But it sure is hard to feel sorry and empathic for students when they mercilessly pick on you. As a new teacher my ego is like the skull of a newborn…I haven’t hardened completely towards the taunts and slings of the students, which leads to lesson 7.

7. Don’t take it personal (or if you do take it personally, find a way to get out the anger so you don’t clock a kid.) I’m sure with time I’ll be able to maintain Zen peacefulness while my students run rampant on those really bad days, and stomp on that last nerve holding me together. Until then I’ve started walking the 30+ blocks home instead of taking the train. It started after a particularly awful day where I was brought so close to tears of frustration that I refused to talk to my class. I cut out conversation as half punishment, half self preservation and couldn’t help but look at the ringleader student and feel the rush of anger. I walked home that first night, like a mad person; stomping my feet down on the pavement as fast as I could go. I’m not lying when I say I felt 80% less angry when I got home than when I left the school.

8. Find ways to express yourself and give energy to your own needs. Walking out the rage (see above) and blogging are the two things that kept me sane this half of the year. I also try to go out with other teachers and drink. Being social helps, and sharing stories with other NYC teachers lessens the burden. I try to get a night out at least once a month. Finding a cheap bar with a good happy hour is hard, but important, because a starting teacher’s salary sure doesn’t go far.

9. A veteran teacher at my school gave me the helpful advice to get out of school each day as early as possible. The first few weeks I was in at 7:15AM and leaving around 4:30…at first I scoffed at the teacher’s advice, wanting to make a good impression on the administration, that I was hard-working and willing to stay as long as I had to. I felt better as a person when I left earlier, and found it just as easy to gather lesson plans at home.

10. For special ed students you grade behavior as much as academics. For the first report card I calculated graded based solely on test scores, homework and projects…and only had two passing students. Students were mostly absent, skipping, or refusing to do work. I was lucky to get one out of every three assignments I assigned. There had to be a sliding scale, because if a student saw a report card with all failing marks there would be no reason to do anything to fix it. My students are so easily frustrated it’s amazing; a child will misspell one word in a journal entry and crumple the entire notebook and toss it. I’ve seen it happen. So I feel I have to be a lot more lenient, give credit for any work that’s handed in and be kind on their report cards, only failing kids who don’t hand in a single thing, or don’t show up. At the end of the day these kids will most likely only get an IEP diploma, and as useless as an IEP diploma is, I couldn’t cheat the students of it.

11. Pick your battles, and don't let others dictate them to you. For months I was a harpy on language, while I as a person, didn't really care. I was taking administration's rules and adopting them as my own. Now I make a perfunctory admonishment to the cursing student, and let it go. As long as they aren’t cursing at me. I let the kids sit on their desks, but I start bitching if they sit on mine. I tell them not to fight, but I am adamant now that if they must fight, to take it into the hallway. At least there they will be spotted quickly by security, and won’t wreck my room.

In a few ways I know it’s too late for me to be an excellent teacher for these students; a lot of what I’ve implemented I have learned too late. It’s true that there is a learning curve for teachers, and while I know that the class I’ve had this year are basically guinea pigs…I feel like I’ve done all right by them. As the Beatles song goes: "

"I've got to admit it's getting better, better

A little better all the time (it can't get no worse)"

It really is "getting so much better all the time!"

The Lame Fieldtrip (Or: I Couldn't Make this Stuff Up!)

2007-01-28T10:20:00.000-08:00

For my class’s second fieldtrip I wanted to take them out of the neighborhood, farther than mere walking distance and came up with a trip to see the film Freedom Writers. Did I think it would inspire the students to scribe eloquent prose in my classroom? Well, no. With a class average of 3rd grade literacy I didn’t figure on churning out any Yeats after a watching a movie. However, I figured maybe it’d spark some interest in debate, maybe show the teacher’s side of the classroom, and for no other reason—get the kids out of the school for a while.

Or, at least that was the plan.

Problem #1: While walking toward the theater in downtown Brooklyn, after a pretty successful ride on the subway one of my students got pooped on. Even worse, it was the sole female student. Death from above! My kids are called emotionally disturbed for a reason, and this girl was FREAKING OUT about the poopage. And, in all honestly, I really couldn’t blame her…the devious pigeon’s aim couldn’t have been more detrimental SPLAT, straight to the top of her head, a little on a cheek, and the rest on the side of her coat. Danielle’s voice rose in pitch and volume, cursing and rubbing her hands into the mess in her hair. I can’t say that I thought fast, or said “just the right thing” however I did try to minimize the event by dispatching a paraprofessional to take my girl into the nearest bathroom inside a McD’s and clean up. I can safely say that the Teaching Fellow program did not ready me for fecal-therapy.

Problem #2 (the big one): We were rounding the corner and coming up to the movie theater when we saw an explosion of school children. It was like every school in Brooklyn took their students to this exact spot. After waiting in line with my antsy students (Derek kept threatening to kick the asses of the half-his-age students ahead of us) Freedom Writers was sold out. Lame. Really lame, and no one to blame but fate.

OK, I thought to myself, I could salvage this trip by letting the kids see Stomp The Yard. I could put up with 90 minutes of step-dancing as long as my kids didn’t go home empty handed. Or so I thought. Four minutes later: Stomp the Yard sold out. And the hoards of students kept piling in, lined up down the block and up the next street. I offered to take the kids to see Dream Girls, however, my students decided to cut their losses and go.

Problem #3 (the most irritating one): After not watching the movie I took the kids to Popeyes, thinking to at least get them fed so the whole trip didn’t suck. And with so much extra time I figured we could take the kids on a book-finding expedition…seeking out the local Barnes and Nobles and making a list of books desired to put into our class library. A fine idea in theory.

A little back-story on our little class trip: One of the students going with us to the movie was NOT supposed to go. This student being the one who punched out the windows in my class and started several fights that week. I didn’t really think we could control this student on a class trip, and my administrator decided that he’d be fine to go. The assistant principal said that if worse came to worse I could call his mother’s cell phone and dismiss the student from the trip. Right—like that would do any real good if the young man went postal.

So there we were in Barnes and Nobles, the majority of my students browsing, picking out books they wouldn’t mind subjecting their brains to…and out of the corner of my eye I see my “trouble student” flipping through a porno mag. First of all, I didn’t think B & N carried porn. Secondly, if they did carry dirty magazines…wouldn’t they hide them? It was when I saw the kid trying to stuff the magazine into his coat that I flipped out. I couldn’t imagine calling his mother and telling her what her boy was stealing…or worse if security caught him at the door; I was picturing headlines like:

“Inexperienced Teacher Blamed as Unruly, Underage Student Steals Skin Mag”

So instead of keeping a low profile, murmuring reasonably to my student about why stealing is wrong, and generally a bad idea nowadays due to technologically savvy security teams…I shouted: “Put that down! NOW!” Heads turned, my other students were mortified, saying they would never go on another trip if Derek came along. (And for the most part, aside from the pooping…these ED students acted like normal kids in public, I was proud of them.)

I hustled them all out of the store and declared the fieldtrip over, telling the kids they didn’t have to go back to school, but they couldn’t stay here.

Teaching Vs. Babysitting

2007-01-14T08:06:00.000-08:00

If you’re wondering why I haven’t written in a while, well, I don’t have much of an excuse. The past few weeks after Christmas break have been buckets and buckets of the same: I’ve seen the new principal twice, had a couple windows punched out in my classroom, one more good kick and the classroom door will need to be replaced. And I haven’t been teaching much.

I’m responsible for teaching my homeroom class two periods of ELA a day, Global Studies, Biology and music classes…ELA I sneak in first thing in the morning, and in music (where I have no skill) I show a lot of musical films, global studies is normally hit or miss depending on who shows up each day, but Biology is really suffering. I’ve been trying to teach the same chapter on viruses and bacteria since the end of November.

There’s two ways I feel about this less than par teaching. The first being slothful, I don’t spend as much time planning lessons, making worksheets and creating new ways to teach and motivate. On a good day I can teach 20 minutes out of a 45 minute period, I have less than a 50% chance of having a good day. I get the sense that most teachers just teach what they can and worry more about keeping fights out of their classroom, and trying to keep students in the classroom and not smocking blunts in the bathroom. So maybe I am just babysitting these kids, sometimes I don’t mind setting aside the curriculum and just hanging with these interesting young people if I know no one expects any better from me. Yes, I know I’m supposed to elevate these kids and somehow make them more ready for their future, prepare them for college…but there is very little I can do if I’m the only person rowing in the canoe. I’m still waiting to see what direction the new principal takes us…The old principal was very much in favor of academics in her ED school, which may have lead to her getting booted out.

On the other hand I’m uncomfortable giving up what I consider my job: teaching. I am a TEACHER, I should be giving info to the brains of my students, packaging the information in ways the students can grasp. But after “teaching” four months I can see why the teacher burn-out rate is so high, what I expect from myself doesn’t seem possible in this setting. I consider it a good day if I don’t lose my cool with the students, or let them get to me. I should be considering it a good day if I can get the kids to learn something. If I lower my expectations for myself, I’ll be more comfortable with how little I actually teach, but I’ll be giving up so many ideals I internalized when I thought about teaching. I knew teaching special ed was going to be tough, but it’s really bonkers.

To be honest, the days I enjoy the most is when I have most of my students sitting, and we’re all engaged in conversation. It’s not academic per se, but if they are all seated, and not hitting each other, or spitting…and I feel involved it feels like a small victory. When a student says “please” or “thank you” or picks up a piece of garbage when I ask them, or knocks politely on the door instead of pounding I feel pretty good about my job and my students. But is that enough?

Back From Christmas Vacation

2006-12-31T20:16:00.000-08:00

I’m back from my Christmas retreat. I felt like I needed to not only leave the classroom, but escape the city that is home to the rage and torment that seethes in my students.

I wish I could say I’m incredibly recharged and ready to face the youths again. I spent a bunch of time talking with an experienced teacher of emotionally disturbed kids, and I really get the sense that the kids themselves aren’t my biggest problem, but the administration that doesn’t back me up.

Did I tell you? Starting on Tuesday, we have a new principal. I’m sure the transition will bode exceptionally well with the kiddies. Yeah right.

My biggest New Years resolution is to really buckle down and find creative ways to work with my students. (Over the past week I’ve had several dreams about them…I’m thinking I miss them.)

Tuesday I get to think up a new bulletin board, but for all to see: here’s what my class helped make for Christmas:

My students decorated their stockings with glitter and glue. And I promise you, I'll be finding glitter in my classroom until Easter. As a treat I bought all sorts of goodies from Costco to stuff in the stockings. The bad news was that plenty of kids didn't show up on the Friday before break.

Providence provides. I was coming up empty for lesson plans for Friday afternoon: you know, when most of the class has walked out, but you need to keep the last four students engaged enough so they don't stab eachother? So during a scuffle between two kids they ripped down the current board, seen here, and with a little fast thinking I had my students devote an entire 90 fuss-free minutes to cutting out a Christmas tree and making star-shapped decorations with the glittered initials of each student. It was brilliant and inspiring! We even sang Chistmas carols! So add "make more hands-on projects for students to work on" to my list of resolutions.

What do I expect for the Last Week Before Break?

2006-12-18T04:23:00.000-08:00

I’m heading into school for the last week before Christmas break. It’s been painfully busy lately and last week started pretty rough (thrown garbage, getting cussed out) But Friday ended pretty well because I tossed the lesson plan aside and let the kids work on Christmas stockings and a Christmas bulletin board. From 1PM to 2:30PM there was peace and productivity in my classroom, I was able to catch my breath. I’ll try to take some pictures of the artistic effort today.

Sitting Next to My Principal on the Train

2006-12-05T18:57:00.000-08:00

They say that necessity is the mother of invention, but I am prepared to debate that it is instead despair that inspires downtrodden souls to make any attempt to better their situation.

Ok, I’m not quite downtrodden…Let’s say I’m down, but not out. Assessing the situation I notice I’ve made it in the teacher world for over three months, and have less than three weeks until X-mas break. Fabulous; at this rate I’ll be prematurely grey before I’m 25.

My principal sat next to me on the subway train after school today, and she’s new enough to not disdain chatting with a teacher while off the clock. “Ms. C, do you laugh enough?” she asked me. I pondered over the term “laugh” and wondered if bitter laughter counted. I obviously don’t, and I find very little funny about students who will spent the next 4 years in the 9th grade before dropping out, getting pregnant, getting high, getting shot.

I was having a big issue with a female student in my class: young, pretty, a great fighter and liar…and full of so much potential that I can’t help but take it personally that she’s failing. I get the sense that if this girl put an ounce of effort into actually staying in class and not promenading the halls scratching girls and taunting boys she’d be passing all her classes.

By the grace of god I got this chick alone for a minute in the hallway, and really set my mind to giving her a piece of my mind. I only had a minute because she was cutting class and her cronies were dragging her out of the school. I tried to impress upon her everything I was feeling; from taking her failure personally to my ENORMOUS faith in her inner strength and intelligence. I told her I wish I had her strength when I was her age, I told her nothing could make me happier than her success (and meant it); and all the while I received a blank-eyed stare.

“Miss, I’ll stay Thursday after school, I promise. Just let me GO!” I sighed, wished her a good afternoon and went into my classroom to collapse at my desk.

My principal’s reaction, when I came to the end of the story was very simple…To appreciate the moments when my classroom is peaceful and rest assured that eventually, over time, that sort of message will get through to the student. And if it doesn’t, it doesn’t.

I felt, then, the true despair of youth; when you’re too new to fully know your limitations, and too inexperienced to appreciate tiny triumphs.

Mark Rides Again!

2006-12-03T12:33:00.000-08:00

(This is regarding the same dangerous student from these previous posts)
http://teachyoualesson.blogspot.com/2006/10/assault-and-ambulance-ride.html
http://teachyoualesson.blogspot.com/2006/10/return-of-mark.html

Friday was another scary confrontation with Mark. For a while it was getting better, I’d write the student up when he came into my class and he was suspended a few times and came into my class less and less…sometimes only once a day. After my initial inquiries for an order of protection were shot down by administration, head of security as well as the union rep at the school I let it go; especially because Mark was being more of an annoyance than a threat.

Friday he became a threat, busting into my classroom and fighting with student on my desk. I shouted for security out my door, no longer trusting the phone, and Mark and the other student were removed from my class. (There were several dangerous fights on Friday, one including Isabelle fighting another girl and gouging her with a thumbtack.)

No even ten minutes later Mark was back and pounding on my door. The door was locked, and I smartly refused to open it, even after Mark started shouting and kicking at the door. After a few moments I attempted to teach my class again when one of my own students opened the door. Mark came raging in, throwing student work and dumping an entire can of garbage all over the two class computers. More violent behavior ensued, the throwing of desks, the kicking of random objects…The eyes of my students widened.

Mark was taken out, again. But returned to bang on my door and shout rather colorful threats.

I spoke again with the principal, and I may have gotten through, (a whole pile of anecdotals can’t be ignored forever) because Mark is being put into a vocational setting, only being in the school for the first two periods. And that’s fine with me, because Mark never showed up before 10ish.

It’s hard to feel warmth and compassion for the students who seem beyond my help. This kid (Kid? He’s a breath away from being an adult.) scares me, I feel guilty for thinking poor thoughts about him, but he’s out of control.

So while I’m hoping that he does well in vocational training…maybe working towards something productive will ease his anger, I look forward to not having him in my life.

Indulgent Rant re: Pitfalls of Teaching

2006-11-29T13:32:00.000-08:00

I’ve kept this blog “strictly business” for a good long time, so allow me to indulge in a moment of melodrama:

Sadly, I am three inches away from despair in my teaching. This week after Thanksgiving has been nothing but insanity, indignity and insolence. In three days I have had the following:

--One student coming to class with a black eye and scabs on the side of her head where her mother kicked her. Yeah, this happened so close to Thanksgiving that the student wasn’t allowed to go to the Thanksgiving dinner because the bruise was so bad. I had to fumble with four different people before I knew what I was required to do in this case to appease the whole Mandatory reporter scene.

--My finger slammed in the drawer of my front desk by an unwitting student. (I’ve started rewarding hard workers by letting them sit at the teacher’s desk while finishing an assignment.) And it still stings right under my fingernail.

--I had to break up a hand lotion and milk fight, sacrificing my clean slacks in the bargain.

--One of my students was moved to another class because his anger issues distracted from his performance in my class…and the student cajoled the A.P. into thinking it was my teaching, and not his flipping desks that led to his academic misfortune. Apparently, he also told the A.P. that I assaulted him and he needed to go to the hospital for the broken ribs. (Yup, in front of God and everyone.)

When my assistant principal stopped by the room to break the removal to me the following last words on the subject were said on both our sides in front of the A.P:

Ms. C: “Eric, I hope you do well. Good Luck!”

Student: “Fuck you.”

Fabulous.

--I had a student light up a cigarette in my classroom yesterday, right in front of the class and myself. Since that student’s mother yelled at the A.P. he did not get suspended and spent all of today gloating that he’s allowed to smoke in class.

--My file cabinet got broken into and a mass of candy stolen.

It’s driving me crazy…and I know my kids are acting out because of Thanksgiving break, but it’s been impossible to teach them anything and I’m frustrated and getting slightly snarky with some of them. (Which I don’t want.) I’m know that I am being pretty self-centered right now, that I should be more worried about the broken homes my students hail from, and that being the reason for their actions…But this week I feel like I’m losing my mind.

Giving Thanks

2006-11-24T08:51:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone’s Thanksgiving was kind with family and gentle on the waist-line.

Wednesday I gave my students the wildly creative assignment of writing what they are thankful for. Some may say I’m cruel to ask the harshly underprivileged kids what they feel grateful for while I feed them pizza and cookies. The finished product of my kids brought me close to tears, their thanks were sweet and funny, and filled with the truth of youth.

Here are a few excerpts, with unchanged spelling and sentiments.

“I am thankful for my mother, for care and love and food. I am thank for my sister for help me when I was little”

“I am thankful for god, I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for being free.”

“I am thankful for food and my grandma who makes food and stores that have food.”

“This year I am thankful for making it to high school. I’m thankful for having the talent to play basketball.”

My best to you and your classrooms this Holiday.

Turkey Day Lesson Plan

2006-11-21T13:48:00.000-08:00

…Is it corporal punishment to make teenagers trace their hands into turkeys?

It’s the countdown to Thanksgiving Break…should I expect any students to do work tomorrow? I’m flirting with the idea of throwing in a movie, feeding them pie and leaning back to plan my own Thanksgiving dinner the day after.

Googling “Thanksgiving Lesson Plan” gave me awesome results…if I were teaching elementary school students. But then again, how do you teach those with so little in the ways of comfort and love to be Thankful?

So it looks like I’ll give the kids a break, toss in ”The Wiz” and feed them some pizza.

Costco Field Trip: Let the Weave Hit the Floor!

2006-11-20T13:00:00.000-08:00

Let me start by saying that the field trip was a general success. No one got killed, no one got caught shoplifting, and no one got hit by a car. But not for the lack of my students trying! For a first trip, it went swimmingly…and that’s including all the drama.

Drama: My very tall, very loud 14-year-old, Latrinia mouthed off to some older, angrier girls in the school. Four of these girls jumped my student 25 minutes before my class was leaving for the trip. I sent my para to find Latrinia somewhere in the school and she was found on the third floor hallway. After we gathered everyone, I headed out with my six students and two paras. About a block away from the school we noticed that a herd of girls from out school were following us, cutting class so they could jump Latrinia AGAIN outside of school walls. My para was very practical and stopped a cop card driving down the street to give them the skinny on the gaggle of chicks following us.

Costco was pretty fun, the kids wanted to touch everything…and they did. I only had one instance where I had to remind a student not to steal, and that was while he was eating grapes out of the produce section. Luckily, no one saw him. My students enjoyed the store, and the samples…one of the best moments was Latrinia posing with a sample of quiche exclaiming loudly to boast: “I got quiche, ya’ll!” It was ghetto-fabulous to the max. (And let me say…nothing has gotten me acclimated to working with kids in an urban setting like watching Flavor of Love. Ghetto is a whole ‘nother language.)

And speaking of ghetto-type teenagers, you’d be surprised how they all melted in the toy aisle. Gone were the world-weary smirks, and rough demeanors of my thugged out students. They were smiling, holing boxes of Legos. One of my girls likes Dora the Explorer. All my kids squeezed the enormous stuffed sheep dog. It made me remember that as tough as my kids act and all the burdens they may have to shoulder, they are still kids.

We ended the trip with cheap soda and pizza for everyone. My students complained that the pizza was “awful” but I figure that’s how they say thank you. It was certainly better than anything they’d get in the school, and I was happy to splurge on them. (Costco is pretty cheap…I ended up with a full pizza pie and 6 refillable sodas for $17.)

The second Drama: We knew those girls would be looking for Latrinia, so my para walked her an extra 8 blocks to the next closest subway stop…not wanting her to run into those other girls on the way back to school. As far as I know she got home safe.

Within two blocks from the school we saw the flashing lights of police cars and students fighting in the street. All but two of my students ran into the street toward the fight, dodging cars. As we approached the pavement was littered with weave. (If you don’t know…weaves are hair extensions) and there were several girls fighting with eachother, security, and cops. One of my students, Isabelle was standing on a police car, fighting with people trying to grapple her down. She was the only female with hair intact.

I dismissed class amidst the fighting, there was still 30 minutes to the school day. One of my students, Ron, refused to go home. He said it was because he wanted to catch the same bus he always took home where he was pals with the driver, but I sensed his anxiety to go out in the fray.

Also, and this is key, Isabelle is his girl.

Ron and I sat in the classroom, I was silently marking papers, waiting for the young man to start the conversation. I had a feeling that the fight was bugging him, but didn’t want to press him. (I would loathe to become that chipped teacher that must fill every moment with countless invasive queries.)

“Man, I don’t know if I can stay with Isabelle,” he said, sitting on a desk halfway across the room.

“Why not?” I played it as cool as I could, mentally thrilled that I was getting a student to confide in me.

“She’s always fighting, man. She wants her man to stand up with her and fight. I don’t wanna fight no one.” Rom said, fixing his car at a jaunty angle. All I could think was “Oh my god, am I having a near-adult conversation with my student?”

“Have you talked to her about it?” was all I could lamely ask. Isabelle was a very pretty girl, and Ron certainly saw something in her…but Ron was definitely not a fighter.

“Nah, she wants a man like LaTanya’s…who gets in the fight with her, I can’t do that man.”

I didn’t have any real answers for Ron, as happy as I was that he came to me. I told him to keep communicating with Isabelle, and I agreed that fighting is not the best option. But I didn’t mislead Ron to believe he could change his girl.

I haven’t seen either Ron or Isabelle, or even Lavinia for that matter, since Friday. I hope they are ok.

Mad Props to My Talented Students!

2006-11-16T17:39:00.000-08:00

So my class had a little riot today, kids throwing books, standing on chairs, stealing shoes and shouting at the decibel level of a shuttle launch. I think the kids were a little keyed up because there is a field trip tomorrow, their first. And I promised if it went well (meaning no deaths or shoplifting) we could go see Happy Feet in a few weeks.

But all craziness aside I really have to give it up to my students…we had a Biology project due on the 5 Classification Kingdoms of Living Organisms, (plants, animals, monerans, fungi and protists) and many of them really came through academically.

Some did raps:

“I’m a fungi and I’m a fun guy, I can’t make my own food, but I’m a real fun dude”

And…

“One cell, no nucleus…I’m gonna make you move to this! This rhyme you’ll be honorin’, this is what I call a moneran”

And who could forget…?

“Animals…they are cannibals! If you don’t live in the jungle they are no fan of you. Animals move, run, and breathe; Humans go to the zoo, feed and leave”

One student made a play (a la Jerry Springer) where the five groups started insulting each other. ‘What you sayin’ Moneran? You ain’t even got no brain!”

But the best project was a crazy-awesome poster done by a fantastically funny student duo…once it was done I marched them down to the principal to show off my talented kids…and the principal was laughing so hard. (and my kids made me look good. Lord Bless them!)

So, here are a few photos of the FANTASTIC A++ efforts my Special Ed kids made:

How Distruptive Students Escalate Disorder...

2006-11-14T14:17:00.000-08:00

I think I just read the best article so far in my graduate career. I have to admit that the classes I am taking through the Teaching Fellows program are pretty basic and filled with busy work…but “How Disruptive Students Escalate Hostility and Disorder—And How Teachers Can Avoid it” is a great article that really gives insight on how tough it is to manage the behavior of Special Education students. If you are starting a job with emotionally disturbed students...it's is essential reading because you cannot treat ED kids like you would general ed without getting into trouble. I suggest you google it, or if you can get your hands on the Winter 2003/04 copy of American Educator, seek it there.

If you want a taste of the graduate work expected of Teaching Fellows, read the following personal article response, handed in today for a grade.

The article “How Disruptive Students Escalate Hostility and Disorder--and How Teachers can Avoid it” by Walker, Ramsey and Gresham is the strongest I’ve read in regards to behavior management in a 12:1:1 Ed classroom of high school students. The majority of my students are labeled as disruptive, and sometimes a good day is when all the desks stay upright and no one gets hurt—let alone I get through an entire lesson! The article addressed the biggest problem I have, one student’s disruptive behavior spreading throughout the class, creating a cacophony of chaos that makes teaching impossible. One student is causing a ruckus, repetitively slamming a book on a desk…I feel like I have a timer on that students, because if I don’t get him to stop his behavior in a few minutes it is only a matter of time before the rest of the crew get sidetracked into the disturbance. And that amount of time changes at whim.

But, you can’t treat these students like general ed, or even like ED fourth graders, because they “carry residual anger” and they are mostly bigger than me. Asking that a student who is slamming the book on the desk to “please stop so the rest of the class can learn” would more likely than not fuel that student to not only continue hitting the desk, but faster and louder as well. The “seemingly innocuous request” is just enough attention focused on the students to feed their behavior. That is what makes teaching ED students such a challenge: “The Teacher’s direct effort to stop the students from engaging in acting-out behavior is the very thing that strengthens and maintains it.” Walker, Ramsey and Gresham hit the nail on the head with that one statement! The more I ask that student to stop disrupting the class, the longer and louder and more distracting it’s going to be!

So how do you handle young human beings who don’t react well to requests and commands? The article is right, that you can’t “handle them with kid gloves.” Try to ignore it when you can, when they aren’t killing anybody else, and don’t let the students see that they are getting to you! Oh boy, and definitely don’t get into an argument with the student. I think that’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned in the first year of teaching, and it’s hard, being able to let go of control of the class or the student. Nagging the student makes things a lot worse, and draws the attention of the other students away from their work. With the help of an experienced paraprofessional I have a rule of thumb when a student is being a disturbance: I ask once, and only once, for the student to stop. I then try as hard as I can to ignore that student. Cool as cucumber, thinking to myself “I don’t hear you, you don’t bother me.” It’s tough because my first response is to shut that kid up as quick as possible before I lose the attention of the rest of the class. But, I had to change my way of thinking: My stopping the lesson in order to shush up a student is sometimes even more distracting than pen-tapping, or book slamming, or rapping lyrics in class.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. And, I’ll admit, it doesn’t really help keep the rest of the students on track. (Teachers might be able to ignore distracting behavior, but other students won’t) I’ll often gather the attentive students to the table in the back of the room, away from the distracting student, and maintain the lesson there. Sometimes that’s the best I can do. Sometimes I just give up on the lesson for that period, rather than fight the class or shout.

The only issue I had with the article is that it assumes I have great administrative back-up and students who care about their Power of Choice. I’m not in a school where I can send students out of the class if they are acting-out, we don’t have a crisis center, and most classrooms are islands as long as the student isn’t hurting anyone. So, then what?

Seven Stages of Amazement

2006-11-12T21:13:00.000-08:00

When I work up Thursday morning and spied that my blog was picked up by the LA Times blog I went through the seven stages of dealing with startling news.

1. Hooting and hollering. I woke my beaux out of a sound sleep at 6AM, jumping on our bed and punching the air.

2. I felt like I was clutching a garish gold award at a ceremony…like I should have been making a teary speech: “I’d like to thank the LA Times and New York Educator, School Gal, and everyone…this isn’t for me, it’s for the children!” or something just as hokey.

3. Bragging rights. I wanted to tell everyone, I wanted to shout from the roof of my school. Of course, that lasted all of four minutes because, well, I run a somewhat anonymous blog and needed to keep it hush-hush.

4. Warm, fuzzy and grateful. I can’t say that the LA Times post brought me support, because that support was already here for me. I’ve found a community that has helped me through scary, rough times…more guidance and sympathy than I’ve been offered by either school or union. Honestly, I was pretty freaked out by the ordeal, but I never felt alone. You teachers backed me up. (And here’s a shameless plug for you to look on the right side of the blog at new blogs I’ve linked to.)

5. A mix of pride and hope. I felt proud that I could put my feelings to text and draw some attention to a pretty awful situation that shouldn’t be allowed to happen to any teacher, in any school. Prevention, support and accountability would serve the teachers of NYC (and the United States) very well.

6. Fear and paranoia. I imagined my lil’ ol’ blog would stay under the radar for the most part, and now I’m thanking my lucky stars that I had the forethought to keep the blog as anonymous as possible. But what if I’m not anonymous enough? I hope I haven’t been undiplomatic enough to lose my job, or get sued. I scanned back though all my posts, making sure no real names of students, teachers, or administration were used and I think I’m clean. But if you see something questionable in my blog, please do me a favor and let me know.

7. Acceptance. I thought for a minute about taking my blog down, if only to save my own posterior. And then I realized, this blog is saving more than my butt…it’s keeping me sane, and giving me both a soap box and a community. Though I wouldn’t be happy working for a school who would fire a new teacher over a blog, I’m not exactly excited about losing a job. So, you can call me a chicken, but names will continue to be changed and addresses kept secret. And again…if you can think of any other ways to protect myself without selling out and ditching the blog, your opinion/ideas/thoughts and concerns are welcome, as always.

I remain grateful to all teachers and visitors, readers and sympathizers… Next time, I hope all this to-do will be under better circumstances.

Foenician Fieldtrip

2006-11-10T13:01:00.000-08:00

When I decided to become a teacher I was pretty well prepared for all the behavior management and lesson planning I was going to be expected to do. Once I started special education I got a good sense of the IEP process and all the paperwork that involves.

But I didn’t know it would be close to impossible to take my students on a fieldtrip. Mind you, these are the kids who take personal field trips every day when they decide to cut class.

Form after form, bus details, lunch details, info for parents, justification for the trip, academic reasoning, lesson plan for the trip, expected follow up work for the kids after the trip.

Ok, I just want to take my kids two blocks down the street to the local park, and then to the Costco (It’s like Sam’s Club and BJ’s) another block down to get them lunch. (I am not-so-secretly appalled by their school lunches) I want to get my kids out of the classroom and outside before it gets too cold. The trip will also work as a trial run with my kids, so I can plan more field trips, academic and otherwise.

So how am I going to justify a “community walk” with my class? I am forced to get creative the “justification” inquiry of the paperwork. Otherwise known as BS.

It turns out the whole trip has to do with the Phoenicians. Who knew? We just ended a Global Studies chapter on the Phoenicians, those happy folk from Canaan who started building the first boats and trading all over the world. (They are also known for changing the alphabet from 500 and some characters to about 22.)

Well, Phoenicians had to do with trade…and Costco sells stuff. There you go.

“This fieldtrip will be an investigation into the modern form of trade in comparison with one of the first forms of international traffic introduced by the Phoenicians.”

Long story short, when I ran it by my Principal she was gasping in laughter. She made phone calls reading my creative justification to others.

But, in the end my kids get to go and have a nice afternoon out, and that makes it worth it.

Parent-Teacher Conference

2006-11-08T18:44:00.000-08:00

I’ve only been teaching for ten weeks but I feel like I’ve been exposed to so much:

--The worst language I’ve heard anywhere.

--Constant drug use INSIDE the school.

--Assault. And how powerless I feel when the administration backs up the students and not me.

--Plummeting academic expectations due to a rude shock of what my student’s reading level was. (I was naïve, but I was planning to teach Othello to my 9th grade class. The ones who CAN read are limited to Goosebumps books.)

--Gross amounts of apathy-from students, from counselors, from administration…and worst of all, from teachers.

--The just plain gross: I spent fifteen minutes today scrubbing a full container of dried yogurt off my wall. (It was raspberry.)

But the absolute low-point (so far) was tonight’s parent teacher conferences. I was prepared for the worst: angry parents, parents disgusted with students failing grades, the degrading looks as they saw their child’s young and white teacher. Yeah, I was expecting to be cursed out, or at the very least to have to defend my standing on how their student was progressing in my class.

I didn’t expect an empty classroom.

From 5:30PM until 8PM I sat at my desk with only the hum of the heating system to keep me company. Not one of my thirteen students had a parent show up. Not after all my calling, my cajoling, my coaxing and mailed letters home.

I returned home stunned, hollow, and a lot more wise about why my emotionally disturbed students may have such intense behavior issues.

Some of my colleges blamed the rain when I asked them why the turn out was so small. (11 parents all together) But I can’t stop the despairing, and perhaps naïve, question that blares in my head:

Why does no one love my kids?

Darkening Bubbles on the Report Card Scantron

2006-11-07T13:23:00.000-08:00

You’d think I have enough going on in my classroom and my school (Finishing the UFT paperwork, looking into an order of protection.) that I wouldn’t have other fish to fry.

I’ve been getting slammed with paperwork, report cards and I had my first observation (more on that atrocity later on, I promise) and tomorrow is parent-teacher night. Oh jeez…when it rains it pours!

So report cards came out pretty creatively. Only two students out of thirteen were passing any of my classes based on test, journal, and project grades (I teach ELA, Biology, Global Studies, and Music to my homeroom class.) What was I going to do, fail 80% of my class? Mind you, for the most part I like my students…warts and all. And I think if I gave them all F’s for all of their classes there would be a mutiny and these delicate individuals would give up completely on their studies.

I ended up asking around the school, trying to get a temperature of the school culture and found out that effort gets you really far in my school, and that grading is pretty subjective. So I took a good, hard look at each student, and the work they did in each of the classes I taught, and ended up passing most of my morning ELA class. It’s usually the first class of the day, and the students usually hand in something, which is way better than the circus you’d catch if you stopped by my Biology class after lunch. I figure a D in ELA is supportive and can be scaffolded with effort on the part of the student into a golden C. D’s can be wake-up calls, without filling the students with apathy. Hell, a D might be good enough for a student that the kid will do just a little bit more work in order to maintain that passing grade. Or at least I hope. And it looks better on the report card than a row of F’s.

Do you remember back when you were in school, and you may have had that teacher you felt took special glee in giving you bad grades on your report card? I have to admit I felt the lure of that power. A few of my students really know how to push my buttons, and it would have felt so good (for about 30 seconds) to fail them. While I was staring at those little bubble sheets I was really tempted to not be gentle with my kids and their grades. I can only admit to those vindictive feelings because I didn’t act on them. And as a reward I got to witness the shock and chagrin on the faces of my students when they found out that my school doesn’t hand report cards to students, but rather mails them directly to parents. I had quite a few kids in whirling tizzies over that.

Return of "Mark"

2006-10-30T12:52:00.000-08:00

It’s been a full week and then some since the incident of assault, and something remains to be fishy. I spoke with my chapter leader only twice during the past weeks, once over the phone when he told me to press charges from my house, and I saw him last Wednesday for a fleeting in the halls where he gave me a number to call.

The phone number was incorrect, and I didn’t even know who I was calling. I ended up getting a phone number for a woman named Gail who is supposed to help me file a report with the UFT, but she’s always out when I call her, and she calls me back when I’m teaching. We aren’t allowed to use cell phones during the school day.

I bring this all up because Mark showed up in my class today.

He was removed by my para, bless her, and then returned refusing to leave my class. Once he was bodily removed from the class Mark left school grounds.

I just wish I could know this whole thing would end up ok. I’m still waiting for Gail’s call.

Court Date for Assault

2006-10-27T04:08:00.000-07:00

Monday I was told that today, Friday, was Mark's school hearing and that I wasn't invited. You know, to keep the hearing from being "adversarial" my principal said. Yesterday I was told that the school hearing was cancelled and rescheduled because Mark's court date is scheduled for today.

Mind you, I heard all of this second hand in an "oh, by the way..." tone. I was reminded that Mark is seventeen, and the law has done him wrong. Especially because this wasn't the student's first offense.

Let me tell you how I feel: I'm glad there's a chance Mark may see some jail time. Not because I want revenge, or thinks he needs the kind of discipline prison can give. I'm just glad he's not returning to my school. Even though he'd be put in another class, it's a pretty small school and my own classroom is an easy target. I'd be lying if I didn't say he was a student who made me nervous for my health, and though I can empathize with a bad childhood, drugs, bad parents, and the American system that may have done him wrong Mark fills me with more dread than pity.

I'm glad he's the exception more than the rule.

Why I Can't Hate My Job.

2006-10-25T15:42:00.000-07:00

At this point I feel like I’ve told last Thursday’s assault story to everyone but my mother (she’d flip out and worry herself to death) and I’m right in the crunch-time of grading for tomorrow’s report card deadline, my classroom’s sink is clogged with gum, and half the phone calls I tried to make to parents this afternoon were dialed to disconnected phones.

After I met with my Department of Education assigned mentor today I took a moment to ask myself: Why? Why on earth am I doing this? It wasn’t a crisis of doubt, but wonder at how I’ve survived almost two months as a teacher in a Brooklyn school full of emotionally disturbed high school students. There has to be some reason I haven’t run screaming, and here I am wondering how hard it would be to set up a field trip for my kids…just to go anywhere except staying in that claustrophobic classroom all day.

I realized, today, as Lavinia and Marvin stayed after to make up some missing work before the marking period ends that I love these kids. It broadsided me, and I don’t know what to do about it.

Marvin, who drinks Vault energy drinks and literally bounces around my room, but nonetheless does the best he can on assignment. His mother cried when I called to tell her Melvin made “Student of the Month” in September.

Lavinia “the Diva,” who can change from a gutter-language trull in public, to a thoughtful, hardworking young lady when it’s one-on-one. This afternoon she changed her Biology grade from failing to passing by really buckling down and getting some work done. And even though she’s failing her other classes, I’ve learned (and she has learned) that she is completely able to get the work done.

David, even though he can turn on a dime. He has the highest grades in the class, and is never modest, but earns the ire of other students with his bragging. It’s like he can’t stop from pointing out his “highest grade on the test” even though he knows it will most likely end with a book thrown at him. As a teacher, I feel like my sole job is to validate his worth with grades.

Pamela, who shouldn’t even be in my class…the social hermit and, I speculate, learning disabled. She gets the brunt of class harassment, and I feel like I do more harm than good when I admonish those picking on her. But she has a wonderful smile, when she smiles. Only, I get a little freaked out when she mimes blowing people away with an invisible shotgun. Pamela also loves to dance (when she thinks no one is looking) and go “Meep beep” like road runner. I love her, because I could not make this stuff up.

Derek, who has the neatest handwriting I’ve seen from any student, and only comes to class once a week. I’ll never know why he screams out loud, wordless roars in class, but it certainly expresses how I feel sometimes.

And Ron, who is the smartass of my classroom. And also the most frightened of the school he’s in. And also the most brilliant writer. And also the most terrible bully to Pamela. And also the most “normal” of my group, if it weren’t for his anxieties about school, he could be in any normal high school…harassing less-fortunates elsewhere.

I work in a blissful chaos, and I next-to-never get through a whole lesson. People pouring through my doors is a constant distraction, as are the students standing on/laying on/throwing desks and fighting. But, I come back. Everyday, I return to the scene of the crime and to familiar faces: “Good morning, Miss,” on the lips of my early students. I go back, even on the bad days, and even after bad days.

Today, was a good day. Tomorrow, who knows?

Was it a Concussion? Or Just a Teacher's Headache?

2006-10-23T13:06:00.000-07:00

First off I want to thank NYC Educator and everyone for all the good advice and support…you all put my administration to shame. Physically I feel almost perfect today, only a sore spot on the back of my head where it smacked the floor, and I’m out of the danger from a concussion. I filled out a load of paperwork today for my line of duty day off and the incident report. My Union Chapter Leader has been MIA the last few days, so I’m waiting on him for the UFT paperwork. Many other teachers as well as the AP and principal stopped by to see how I was today, and I’d feel like a celebrity except for another teacher who got punched in the mouth on Friday and is absent. Rough school, they say. And Mark… (Let me remind you, dear readers, that I don’t use the real names of students) Mark has a hearing on Friday, the principal asked his mother to plead no contest to the charges of assault. According to the principal Mark will be reinstated into the school in a different classroom, after 5 days of suspension.

Let’s do the math:

1 case of assault + 8 written accounts of violent behavior = 5 days of suspension.

That makes little sense, and makes me glad I pressed charges.

Today was a tough day in class, I won’t kid you. My students were all off the wall, even though a few hugged me this morning. (I didn’t know whether to trust them or now.) Part of me thinks they missed me, at least so far that I am a constant positive part in their lives, while everything else may shift and be unpleasant. The other part of me thinks they enjoyed the hell out of their “day off” on Friday when nothing was expected of them because I wasn’t there. Today they worked off a ton of steam, and I never had more than half the class sitting down at any given time. I even became a bit of a laughing stock from a few of the more smart-ass students. “Ms. C, you’re too nice. We’re black, you gotta treat us like we’re ignorant.” This came from one of my smartest students, Ron, who verges on the cusp of gifted…and who can be a real pain. You’ll remember him as the boy I was calling security on because of his cell phone on Thursday. I gave him quite the fish-eye, not bothering to answer. He thought is was pretty funny that his teacher got knocked down. I’d try to talk to his guardian, his grandmother; but she doesn’t have a working phone. Fabulous.

But even though the class was rambunctious and I don’t think any learning got done today, I wasn’t scared. The majority of my students are challenging, not evil or even that dangerous. (As long as you don’t block exits when they want OUT of the classroom.) I very strongly hope that I can get the class back into some kind of shape, I can feel the ground I’ve lost by this whole debacle.

Well, as Scarlet O’Hara said: “After all... tomorrow is another day.”

Assault and an Ambulance Ride

2006-10-22T15:36:00.000-07:00

There’s no poetic or witty way to put it, so let me lay it straight: Thursday I was assaulted by a student, and shipped by ambulance to the Maimonides hospital.

It happened near the end of the day on Thursday; one of my students, Ron, was pulling out and showing off his Razor cell phone and I offered the following warning:

“Cell phones are not allowed on school property, if I see it again, I’ll let security know, and they will take it.”

And I figured that would be the end of the disturbance. Until Mark. I may have mentioned Mark before, the 17-year-old 9th grader whose technically supposed to be in 8th grade because he never passed the 8th grade reading tests. I never was able to assess his reading skills because the student refused to cooperate or do any work, it is my speculation that the student could barely read and lived in shame. Long story short, Mark was a very angry young man and I had written a dozen anecdotals on him because I found him to be a danger to other students, teachers, and myself. The Tuesday prior he pulled the hair of a visiting teacher, for no reason other than she asked him to complete an assignment.

Back to the story: Mark asked Ron to see his phone after I told Ron to put it away. My action was to walk over to the classroom phone and dial security. Mark hopped up out of his seat and vaulted to the phone, first hanging up, and then disconnecting the line. I struggled to hold on to the phone and the student shoved me down. Hard. I was knocked down head first, and my glasses flew across the room. Holy Mother of God, I saw stars.

My initial reaction, and the one that stuck with me the longest was shock. Even after my Paraprofessional, Ms. W, helped me to my feet and ushered me into the main office I was turning the situation over in my brain, and hoping that the other students wouldn’t get too out of hand while I was gone.

I received a lump on my head the size of a Cadbury egg, and I broke down in the principal’s office. Out of pain, out of anger, and out of failure. The principal was very sympathetic about the whole ordeal, which I appreciated greatly.

Here’s where the situation gets sticky, and I learned a big lesson about administration and who my friends are in the school. I arrived back to my classroom after school was dismissed, and the first and ONLY person to mention my post-assault options was my Para who said I should press charges. Especially since I had asked to have this student removed prior to the incident. I had spoken to two teachers, the principal, the assistant principal and the school nurse…and no one had mention either that I could press charges, or that I could take “line of duty” days off. And when I began to make a little noise about those options the sympathy on people’s faces began to drain away.

If I didn’t see a doctor that same night and tried to press charges it would instantly get downplayed from assault to harassment; so I made plans to see a doctor. Insult to injury (Haha! Witty!) I had only had health insurance for a few weeks, so I had yet to register for a doctor, and HIP told me I wouldn’t be able to see a physician until the next day. No good. This is where the ambulance came in, being the only way I’d get into the hospital is by way of the emergency room. Yes, I felt a little silly, riding in an ambulance for what ended up being a mild concussion. But the EMS folks were kind and the ride quick. The doctor visit went well, and swiftly, mild concussion, don’t drink or operate heavily machinery, come back if there is nausea or passing out…and I was discharged so I could wait for the police and make my statement.

Two hours later and no cops. My boyfriend had since shown up, frantic and worried, and we were waiting for the cops. Around 6:30PM a doctor came to the waiting room where we were…well…waiting, and told us we could be waiting for up to eight hours and recommended we called the cops from home and gave a report that way. Fine and good. We headed home by subway, and I was pretty shaky, my head was throbbing like a hangover.

From home I called the police and they arrived within minutes, my statement taken and the report filled out. I feel like I’ve told this story a hundred times, to my family, my friends, teachers, the police, doctors, EMS workers…and I doesn’t get any less fantastical.

Nothing got me ready for this, the Teaching Fellows program never brought it up. Some part of my arrogantly thought that it would never happen to me, that I’d be that caring teacher who reached all her students and somehow quelled their anger and anxiety. Now I know why the other teachers smiled at me and called me young. Ms. R, my teacher friend from the summer stood by me the whole time, and asked me why I didn’t hit him back. As it turns out, she was the union rep for the school, and missed her college class to wait for the ambulance with me. I am grateful for what allies I have.

Tomorrow I return, and I have no idea what to expect. How will my students see me now? How will they treat me? How should I act about the whole thing? They saw their teacher go down hard and eat dirt, ushered from the class in a fury and absent the next day. What ground might I have lost with them?

A Walking Drug Prevention Advertisment

2006-10-16T19:02:00.000-07:00

One of my better students, known for getting his work done most of the time, and rarely throwing chairs came into class high as a kite today. Now, I’m not the most observant teacher in Brooklyn, and I can probably bet you that I’ve had students come in under the influence and put their head down…and I was none the wiser. However, when my student has a track record of at least starting his work, but instead comes in shrieking the chorus to “Lean On Me” at the top of his puberty-laden throat…I can get the drift. Especially if they reek so bad of pot that another student requests I "spray the high nigga down with Lysol or some shit.” Poetic, not really, but apt nonetheless.

My response to the rest of the class? Telling them that Marvin was a lesson in drug prevention…a walking anti-drug campaign in the form of relentless idiocy and futureless caterwauling.

And when the class laughed at Marvin’s antics and general foolery (i.e. falling off desks, goofy grins, and shouting at windows) I made sure he knew that his classmates were laughing at him, not with him.

Like a Brick Through a Window

2006-10-11T14:54:00.000-07:00

The day I was hired by the New York City Department of Education I thanked my principal for giving me the chance to teach. Her response to me was sarcastic, that I should come back and say thanks come the middle of October.

Yeah, now I know what she meant.

Today I had a student put his head through the classroom window. The student, “Oscar,” was sitting on a desk, banging the back of his head against the window. I asked him kindly to cease and desist, and added a teacherly glare for good measure.

“But Ms. C! The windows are plaxi-glass!.” He said to me, continuing to bang the window. I didn’t even have time to tell Oscar that it’s called plexi-glass, not plaxi-glass before his head snapped back and through the window. The class laughed uproariously.

I was a tad freaked out, and thankfully my paraprofessional cleaned the glass while I had Oscar close his eyes as I used a sleeve to brush the glass out of his hair.

Is it summer vacation yet?

Emptying the Desk

2006-10-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

Ah…another relaxing three-day weekend. Any yet I can’t keep my mind off the classroom. I spent two hours after class on Friday cleaning out my desk. No, not just neatening it up and getting it tidy, but emptying it out. Why? Because I have a student who knows he can get to me and shake me up by throwing all my belongings in the trash.

This student, let’s call him Mark, is 17 and in 9th grade. On top of that my assistant principal is spouting noise that he should be moved into 8th grade if we end up hiring another teacher. So he’s angry. Very angry. And jealous of my students who can get through a lesson and have more reading skills than he has. So Mark disrupts my class so the students can’t learn. And he’s been pretty successful so far; starting with singing at the top of his lungs crude rap lyrics with plenty of expletives…which I can ignore. But when he starts calling gang curses at my other students and tagging all their belongings the students look to me for maintaining order. And then Mark moves to my desk, throwing all my stuff in the garbage. This has happened a few times, the last time I tried calling security and Mark pulled to phone out of the wall and threw that away.

So I am taking all the stuff out of my desk, eliminating the way in which the students can get me to become upset. I am looking forward to giving him a cool eye next time he seats himself at my desk so smugly expecting to rile me up by throwing my belongings in the trash. I also feel smug, myself. Very “how do you like me now?” as I attack his misbehavior with a nonplussed stare.

The sad part is that even though I think I can get a handle on him acting up, I can’t force him to do his work…especially if he’s not up to the grade level. Why kind of system sticks me with an 8th grader and expects me to pass him to the 9th grade? Even my paras can’t get any work out of him, and it’s frustrating for me…but not nearly as it must frustrate the boy.

Teacher gets a day off!

2006-10-02T17:45:00.000-07:00

Let me talk for a moment on one of the greatest pleasures of being a teacher: tons of days off. Happy Yom Kippur! I enjoyed the day by taking a very long bath and baking. And next week I have Columbus day off. You think of every day that I defy death-dealing gang-bangers and wonder if a few extra days off a year counter the balance. Well, yes. It does.

One month in.

2006-09-30T19:54:00.000-07:00

Officially, I have been a teacher for a month. It seems both a quick-silver piece of time and an eternity. I’ve been handling it day-by-day and crisis-by-crisis. Wednesday my lunch was stolen, Thursday my giant teacher’s desk was overturned by a battalion of 9 students who also hit the library and created chaos and destruction there as well. Yesterday, Friday, I had a tall, creepy student with corn-rows bend down over me and whisper “You have a fine ass, you know that?” in my ear. (Earlier in the week I had been told I had "dumps like a truck." Funny, I never knew.) On a daily basis I am threatened, cursed at, ducking thrown pens and crumpled papers, dodging insults and propelled books…it’s life.

I wake up at 6:20AM, I’m in my classroom by 7:30AM, the students pile in anywhere from 8:30AM til about noon. Except for a few, most students cut class by 1:30, and I dismiss my 9th graders around 2:30PM. I putter around the class until 3:30 or 4PM and head home to rustle grub and relax, except Tuesdays where I have to head to the City for class. Yeah, Tuesdays suck.

I am asleep before 10:30PM. Without fail.

I. Am. Exhausted.

This job keeps me going like crazy, and though I strive to not shout, some day my throat burns with soreness. But, I love it. I love teaching stuff not on my lesson plan, drawing the “kids” lives into the subject matter. I enjoy watching them think, seeing their thought process and their emotions. Any given day is a soap opera, which student is dating whom, and why those girls want to jump this girl because she apparently “sucks dick.” Every day I laugh. Even on the bad days. I’ve only been scared twice so far, though I’m constantly angry at the administration. Most of my students have been locked up before. One of my students cut my class last week and was arrested an hour later for attempted robbery. I had to call his mother and listen to her cry over the phone as she swore she wouldn’t bail him out. Again. My second week I got elbowed in the face and my para got punched in the ribs. Next week I’m baking cookies.

They tell me you have to be a little bit crazy to teach emotionally disturbed kids, and some days I feel crazy because I do. Monday, I got a hug from a student before they cut my class. “See you later, Miss.” He said, all grins and charm.

Teaching wears me out, steals my time, urges me to think, and makes me drink. I spent last night at a dive bar with friends, meeting a new Teaching Fellow pal, a sort of friend-of-afriend. It really helps to compare notes and talk shop while getting plastered. (Like every seasoned teacher tells me.) And there is a certain sympathy you get from other teachers in the area. She teachers younger students, K through 5, so she has a much bigger chance of getting bitten. (Though I'd never put that past my kids.)

Even on a Good Day, Your Feet Hurt

2006-09-25T12:40:00.000-07:00

You can tell that today wasn’t catastrophic because I’m home at 3:30PM. The harder the day, the longer I have to stay to pick up the pieces. And although it wasn’t a terrible day, I’m still tired. Teaching any kids is exhausting, but teaching emotionally disturbed, impulsive and uncivil students is like working retail, in the mall, for minimum wage, in hell. (Yes, hell has a mall, and several Wal-Marts.)

So I’m home, writing up tomorrows biology quiz…and sitting because my feet hurt. Talking about retail…my hooves haven’t ached like this since I worked at Yankee Candle many years ago. So long to an ergonomic chair at a kooshie desk job.

Now, you may be wondering why today wasn’t all that bad when last week took a few years off my life. The biggest reason is that the largest source of trouble and disturbance in my class has pretty much given up on any education. Meaning, she has decided she rather run in the halls all day, fighting girls and wrestling with boys instead of staying in class and, oh, I don’t know, learning. Last week I was very much the liberal minded instructor, urging Lavina to stay in class, grasp her education by the horns and get her (or the state’s) money’s worth. I even blocked the door, to my chagrin that caused a very big calamity. NOTE TO ALL NEW TEACHERS: Never block a student’s exit, especially when they are taller than you. So, for a change, this week I’ve decided to pleasantly let Lavina exit the class and go on without interruption. All liberal impulses aside, if the student wanted to learn, she wouldn’t be “running the halls” as she calls it. Veteran teachers tell me “You can’t reach them all, all the time.” And it’s true. When my students is ready to come in, sit down, put down her knife and leave her weave alone, I’ll be ready to teach her.

It's Tough to Teach Students Taller Than You.

2006-09-24T12:35:00.000-07:00

In all honesty, I wish I had more time to post more than once a week…but teaching is incredibly, amazingly exhausting. The week, as a whole, has been trying and I find myself hardening a bit to the taunts and troubles of my students. I no longer pause when a student calls me racist. I have no trouble giving no credit to students I catch cheating. (Though that makes me racist.)

Seriously, some days I just want to raise my hands to the sky and scream out my frustration. And some days are really worth it; for instance, Friday most of my class walked out before dismissal (Well, because they can…whose going to physically stop them?) but there was only myself and three students, and we played 45 minutes of pictionary. I had a really good time, and so did they.

The most trying human I have in my classroom is 15 year old Lavina. First off, she’s half a foot taller than me, black, and extremely angry. She doesn’t live with her mother, and the only contact number I have is her sister…who laughed at me on the phone. Lavina is pretty crazy, her first day of class had her storming around the room, trying to pick a fight with the only other female in the class. (Mind you, up until Lavina’s arrival this girl, Ronnie, was giving me the most trouble. But now she’s a fine student, with the bigger, meaner dog in the junkyard.) By the second day she was in a fight with a “Puerto Rican bitch with a bad weave.” She’s threatened me almost everyday, and let me say that the hardest thing I’ve done in three weeks of teaching was not back up when Lavina got up in my personal space trying to scare me. Made me hate being short.

The best thing I can do is keep showing up, not back down, not freak out. Eventually, most of the kids will stop giving me trouble.

I hope.

Rough 2nd Week!

2006-09-17T07:36:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed my absence over the last week, and let me soothe your fears that I have not been shanked. Only that the week has been incredibly tough, harder than any college course of second-hand story could have made it out to be.

To start off, I have a new students either coming in, or leaving my class almost every day. Which means that some students I’m only working with a day or two before they go off somewhere else. At one point I had 19 students in my roster, where legally I’m not supposed to have more than 12. And this constant revolving door in my classroom doesn’t allow my class to settle down, I already know I have 3 new students that should be coming to my class next week, when the school busses start.

So, the first problem in my classroom is the constant chaos; I can’t be sure what’s happening, or who’s going to be around on any given day. A connected problem to this, is the fact that only 2 of my students come with any sort of punctuality; so I have student arrivals as a disturbance throughout my day. To the point I wish I could turn students away at the door.

This last week has really changed how I look at teaching, and has obliterated a lot of my naiveté when it comes to emotionally disturbed teenagers. I started out wanting to nurture my students, offer them rewards for hard work and not shout at them like I’m sure their family does. I wanted to start the year with good phone calls home, and positive notes when students do well. I was using soft tones with “Honey, please get started on your quiz” and “Sweetie, I would appreciate it if you put your umbrella down and stop poking Raquel.” For some reason I thought I could reason with these students, be kind but still be respected by them.

It was at that point, the inmates were running the asylum; doing whatever they wished because Ms. C wouldn’t yell at them. Don’t feel like doing your class work? Take it home, sure! Do it there! Better yet, have your older sister or brother do it! Awesome!

At first I was afraid to fail the student because they refused to work, thinking that if I could just find a way to reach them…they would realize how important the work is. I would attempt to engage the class with interesting hands-on work, so they didn’t just have to sit and glaze over. Chaos, with no productivity.

I had a student throw a book at a dean’s head. I got elbowed in the mouth when a student went to punch another student. I had everything swept off my desk, my trashcan kicked over, two students desks upended and a textbook thrown into a full sink of water by a guy who wasn’t even my student…just ran into my class and started threatening “the new teacher.”

After the first hit to the face I not only refuse to attempt to break up fights, I call security and head pretty far from the action. I got cursed out by a fighting student because I “didn’t pull the other nigga offa him.” I had to try really hard not to laugh out loud at that one. The things I bought, thinking it’d be good to have nice things for students…and electric pencils sharpener, and some nice bath and bodywork soap…destroyed, down the drain and filled with gum.

I’ve been bitched out, cursed at, insulted, defied and ignored this week. My administration has not backed me up in the least. I ask for a window in my door, so I can see whose trying to get into my door before I open it. Nope. I asked the assistant principal to say a few words about removing do-rags and hats when in the classroom, to which she walked into my classroom and told my students it’s ok as long as they don’t wear them in the hall.

So, two weeks in and I’m feeling a little bitchy. I’m not thinking twice before putting zeros in my book for students unwilling to hand in work. I have started inviting students wanting to learn into the back corner of my classroom at a big round table, and teaching them there, while the rest of the class goes nuts. What hurts the most is that I have students who truly want to learn, who want to get out of special ed, and into inclusive classrooms. And I can teach them! However, the students with the worst behavioral issues do their best to insure that those students become as distracted as possible.

My goal for the upcoming week is to harden myself a little more, realizing more that I can teach these kids, but I’m not expected to save them. And maybe rely a little more on my inner bitch.

The Second Week Starts Tomorrow

2006-09-10T19:30:00.000-07:00

It’s about a half hour before I want to be asleep on this Sunday night. I’ve done all my lesson-planning, I’ve bought some candy and treats for the week ahead, and I’m ready to commit myself to a second week teaching in Brooklyn. Let me take a deep breath, because last week took a lot out of me.

Let’s start by saying that for every disappointment, there’s a ray of hope, and for every tear-your-hair-out moment I saw some real ambition in my students. After assessing for reading I found that my 9th graders read at level 3 through 7, and I learned you cannot physically keep kids in your class…they’ll leave if that’s what they truly want. I received several hugs from students on Friday afternoon, and spoke on the phone with some guardians that left much to be desired. When they actually spoke English. I had horrifying outbursts, and I had students who refused to remove their head from their desk. I also had hardworking students and a 7:45AM call from a parent concerned about her son when he lied about his homework. Some of the phone calls I made were positive and left me with a sense of pride, even though only half of my class passed their first Bio quiz. I’ve gone through a whole bag of candy, half of my patience, and about 5 hours of sleep a night.

I have found that I can’t shut up about teaching, that it’s the center of conversation with whomever I can rope into a chat. There’s always a thought in my head, or maybe the plans for a solution for a student-problem. I’m always planning, thinking ahead, looking to the future where I’ll have all my students actually stay seated through a whole class.

After a week I feel positive, and I feel a little more down to earth. Othello isn’t going to work with these students when they cannot sit through a 10 minute read aloud without breaking into chaos.

Classroom behavior management, then Shakespeare.

Livin' on a Prayer!

2006-09-09T19:49:00.000-07:00

I love a parade. Especially when I get to march along! Today I got to march with the United Federation of Teachers down 5th Avenue, NYC. The sky was blue, the weather mild, and the UFT marching band played a very decent adaptation of Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer.” The thought behind that song choice for the NYC teacher’s union was pure genius, let me say; and I hope some important bigwig somewhere got the hint.

While I enjoyed the music and the free lunch, I must admit the very best portion of the parade was when a very kind older woman who taught in a Manhattan school chatted me up cordially. We spoke about my new teaching assignment for a while after introductions, and then she places a Communist newspaper in my bewildered hand.

Apparently, I am now an honorary Pink-o Commie or some-such-what. Isn’t communism a bit outdated? It just goes to schow you that any faction with a printing press can get plenty of recognition. What baffles me the most is that the lady who spawned her communist tracts on me was so blatantly nice. I kept thinking of the character, Liz, from John Le Carre’s The Spy Who Came in From the Cold: Sweet, misled, and destined for destruction at the hand of the Communist Party. But I digress.

With aching feet and a free t-shirt it was a pleasure to support my fellow teachers and stand up to be counted. I was surprised that so few younger faces showed up, though. It seems like the bulk of the UFT supporters were old-hat teachers who had taught long enough to know the score. Made me all the more glad to have gone, the feeling that so many other young and new teachers were missing out.

That’s all from me tonight, I’ll have more info on my first school week on Sunday. Until then…

Goodnight, Comrade!

Take Two...and ACTION!

2006-09-06T16:53:00.000-07:00

Day two, and I’m still alive and haven’t left teaching emotionally disturbed high school scholars for an easier job like crocodile hunting.

I’m up to six students, three angels and three devils; running the gamut of older student who left early to meet his parole officer to the blessed darling who handed in tomorrow’s homework…today. Amazing.

In addition to an exciting day of mayhem and teaching the same lessons from yesterday, I got a chance to meet my mentor. No, not the veteran teacher Ms. R who took me under her wing, but the Department of Education appointed mentor whose supposed to keep me sane. The school principal walked her in during the tail end of my scientific method lesson, making me backtrack a bit to re-teach the meat of the lesson so I could look good for the boss. Aside from that the mentor is a great boon, the missing piece even. True, I have a pretty decent network of people who care about me, and how well I do my job…From family in Texas, to my personal cheerleader at home, to my in-school mentor who lets me call her late at night when I feel defeated, and even the blogs of other New York teachers I read daily. (Links to the right!) However, in my Department of Education mentor I have unearthed the missing piece: feedback. She watched me during the lesson, and told me how I did, in detail. And I found that invaluable. To tell you the truth I feel like I’m flailing around in front of the class like I’m useless…and I can’t yet judge by the students if I’m making any progress at all. I know it’s much too much to expect in the second day, but I really don’t feel like I know how I’m doing. The feedback AND advice did much for my confidence, and I didn’t go home with a headache today.

Not that things are perfect. Not like they won’t be out of control tomorrow. But I have hope.

First Day Teacher Blues

2006-09-05T15:10:00.000-07:00

At least I didn’t get stabbed today. I can say that much for my first day as a teacher. But I feel like I have to ask myself: is it this rough for all teachers?

I had a physical confrontation with a student who was trying to come into my classroom and punch my student. It was a kid half a foot taller than me trying to punch my student through the door, when I attempted to close the classroom door the student stuck his foot in and tried to push his way through. God help me, I think I broke school rules by physically pushing the student out of my door before closing the door. Oh, and this was all in front of my student’s mother.

I learned a valuable lesson, not to have my door open at all, ever, no way, no how. A bag of cotton balls was stolen off my desk from a student passing my room. That’s right, cotton balls. I can only hope that he/she got a good deal on the black market of beauty aids.

I had a student start crying because his mom left the class and he didn’t want to be in “the stupid school.” When the mother was walking down the hall and the student called to her in anguish, his mother just gave a dismissive hand wave and left the building.

I heard the following said to one of my paras during a break by an ex-student of theirs: “My boyfriend was shot over the summer, so I had to find a new one.” No, the boyfriend didn’t die, was just laid up in the hospital for a while.

I had my class decide to forgo lunch and “hang out” in the classroom instead of the lunchroom. Sadly, I couldn’t see myself physically removing students from the room.

I dealt with a student whose eloquence relied heavily on the words douche and fag. Especially while denouncing Canada. I’m serious, this kid was really angry about the “Fags in Quebec.” Even after I admonished him on his use of bad language, I learned that “Homosexuals in Quebec” wasn’t much better.

Out of 16 students, 3 came. And one was a new student.

Out of the 3 subjects I was supposed to teach today, nothing stuck. And I don’t think it will matter, because I have to teach it again when more students come anyway.

I am frustrated, because I don’t know if we got anywhere. And even though I know it’s only the first day, I thought I’d be able to get through a mini-lesson. I could barely get through a few sentences.

However, I was able to do the following:

--Assess two students reading fluency, one reads pretty well on his own, and another needs help with less common words like analysis and special.

--Learn that if you silently stare at a student long enough he’ll flip out and make an attempt at an assignment.

--Find an interesting way to deal with my bad language student. I have him write “I will not use bad language” on the board each times he swears, and sign it as well. I’m not sure it will work forever, but I am cheered up because he obeys enough to do the writing punishment.

I’m hoping tomorrow I can FINALLY get some composition books, transparencies, pencils, and other basic class necessities that I get the feeling need to be stolen from the office more often than be handed out. And I guess that means that I am returning tomorrow. Determination is a bitch.

Tomorrow, I teach...

2006-09-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

It’s the countdown, just a few short hours before I have to be bright and shiny in the classroom. My first day of class and I am a glorious mixture of horror and excitement. The truth? I am not nearly as prepared as I wish I were. I don’t know if 1 or 16 students will show up tomorrow, and I have no clue how I’ll teach.

But I want to get the first day over as soon as I can. Because the second day is always better, after I lose my teaching cherry and get comfortable in my classroom.

Good luck to all new New York teachers starting tomorrow!

(Now I only hope I can get some sleep tonight!)

Finishing Touches on My Classroom (With Photos!)

2006-09-01T19:12:00.000-07:00

Oh, boy! Where to begin?!

For the most part my classroom is set up, even though I had to leave school early to get the results of my TB skin test. (I do not harbor a Tuberculosis infection, thank you very much.) I would have loved the extra time in my classroom, but on the other hand, who wants to catch Consumption?

Two things of note:

1. I am legally supposed to only have 12 students in my class, that's why it's called a 12 to 1 to 1 class. However, I have 16 students on my roster, and 9 desks. Green as I am, I asked an AP what was going on and where I'd put my kids and apparently, they aren't expecting half of the students to ever show up. I say, we'll see; hopefully we won't have students sitting on the floor come the middle of September.

2. While I have cluster teachers to instruct both math and Physical education, apparently (unbeknownst to me) I am going to be teaching a music class three times a week. That's kinda funny since I have no musical training, I figure I'll end up showing The Wiz and singin' some karaoke with the students.

Below are the very first photos of damn-near completed classroom...all I need up is the student work!

This is my classroom...It's devoid of broken glass, unlike where they stuck me at first. I'm pretty giddy and excited about the whole thing. And freaked out. And in love.

My desk! I have a desk! I must be a *real* teacher if I get a desk! (All part of faking it 'til you make it)

The only non-hokey, non-religious motivational poster at the teacher supply store in Brooklyn. I could see myself pointing to it when a student goes off. And yes, I realize that may not be the best course of action.

Today I learned my school is part of the Power of Choice program and that school procedure is to have a sign in class to promote it.

Corny, maybe. But it gets the point across fairly well. (If you can't read the smaller print it says "even if you miss you'll fall among the stars." Let it be said I am very serious about raising the bar for my students... High aspirations to begin with are crucial.

This is the Mystery Box. It took me 2 hours to gift wrap a good sized box, cut out and paint question marks and glue it all down. My main plan here is to make receiving a prize from the Mystery Box to be a desirable goal as opposed to some dumb thing in school. While the Mystery Box may be filled with Dollar Store trinkets, I hope the Mystery makes it more of a positive reward. I plan on circulating the prizes and keeping the box locked up so it always maintains an aura of mystique.

Things to buy this weekend:

1. A wall clock

2. 2 Padlocks

3. $20 worth of dollar store prizes

4. Spray deoderant for students who need hygeine reminders.

Ms. C's Got (A) Class!

2006-08-31T19:07:00.000-07:00

It’s almost 10PM, and I sit at my computer sipping some cold Ovaltine, reflecting on sore feet and a very long day. I expected the first day of classes to be hectic and troublesome, but not the day which teacher return to the classroom to setup and gather for workshops. I am a wreck, seriously exhausted, but dying to get back into the classroom and do it again tomorrow.

I spent an hour last night, slowly poring over my wardrobe, wanting to wear something professional, but allowing my comfort and stability for moving around my new classroom and setting up shop. Helpless to the impulse to impress, knowing how difficult it can be, being the new kid on the block.

The day began with teachers flocking to the cafeteria for free bagels and gossip, moving toward an hour long speech by our principal and a 90 minute power point presentation on blood-born pathogens. Fun! You honestly don’t know pleasure until you sit on a lunch bench for 3 hours…my ass felt like hamburger meat fresh from the grinder.

But after all that state-mandated chuff I got to the fun part: working on my classroom! Except I walked into my class, and the floor is littered with shards of glass from several broken windows. A chilly, late-summer breeze flowed casually through the empty casements. Wonderful. There is a completely disconnected sink still attached into the wall, and murals of peeling paint mixed with the snowy white blotches of joint compound on the walls. Welcome to New York City public schools.

(A photo re-enactment...not actual classroom)

I’m sure how the principal felt when I complained about the glass and lack of bulletin boards. Something about the tender-foot green teacher without so much as a certificate or a backbone…but honestly, how could I feel comfortable teaching students in a class that was, as I learned later, broken into? Happily enough I got moved to a new room, in much better shape.

The next few hours flew by as I papered and bordered bulletin boards, put up my standards, my motivational pieces and my word walls. I met not one, but my two paraprofessionals who will be with me in my class, guarding my teenage denizens against themselves and others. Hopefully, it will work out for the best between the three of us. Ms. J seems very kind, very helpful and a hard worker and Ms. W can be described as strong to the point of willful. (I can’t really hope that they maintain helpful and cooperative attitudes more than I can pray from my own assertive stance.)

One interaction of note was with my principal; I asked her if the school had extracurricular activities like a book club or drama guild. She guffawed loudly, perhaps at the very thought, and walked into the main office. Fabulous. Can we say work cut out for me?

Tomorrow: Ms. C gets keys to her classroom! Buys a padlock for her closet! Gets the results of her tuberculosis skin test that she took on Wednesday! Takes pictures of her classroom!

Stay tuned!

Shakespeare Just Ain't Cool (And Teachers Can't Be Hip)

2006-08-28T12:26:00.000-07:00

I am a first year teacher, but I have an anecdote that I feel I will be telling new teachers for years to come. About a week ago I realized the inevitable: Teachers cannot under any circumstances be cool. I don’t care if you’re a teach who wears jeans, or if you never give out homework…by becoming a teacher, you give up the cool. Any teacher who thinks they are hip, or cool, or “down” with their students are incredibly deluded in their role in their students life. A teacher will be an advocate, will hold a student’s hand, will uplift a student…but being defined as hip just isn’t going to happen.

My realization came hard: I was in Barclays, a teacher supply store in Brooklyn, NY. Visions of chalk holders and construction paper danced in my head as I wandered the aisles and gazed at all the opportunities and potential just waiting to happen. My passion would shine through, I’d get kids excited about learning…they’d come to love books and reading and academics as much as I did! I saw a life-sized cut out of William Shakespeare, and fell in love. Only, how could I justify buying it? I wondered.

I know! I could put a hip hat like the kids are wearing these days on him, and then Shakespeare would be really cool, or rad, or neat, or fly as the kids would say.

WARNING! WARNING! The bells in my head went off at that moment, and they were loud. It was at that moment exactly, that I realized I’m never going to be that cool teacher I always pictured myself being. Shakespeare with a hat is still a 200 year old dead white guy, and kids don’t relate well to stuff like that all the time. And, I though, I must not relate well to the students because while Shakespeare decked out in Homie-Wear may be an awesome SNL skit, I’m working with an audience who may not know what SNL stands for. I’m the adult, the authority figure, and worst of all, and academic…Cool just isn’t on my page.

Free Goodies from Staples, and Blog Links

2006-08-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

You know, Staples does pretty good by teachers. I went to Staples somewhat near my apartment, mainly because they were giving out teacher goodies, but also because I wanted to finish up my supply shopping. Reminder to self: save those receipts!

Staples goodies:
-2 pens, one black, one red
-1 box of multi-colored paperclips
-1 note pad that says: “Time For a Quick Hello!” on it
-1 “doo-doo brown,” as my one-and-only calls it, canvas shoulder bag with STAPLES emblazoned on the side
-1 “color explosion” red marker, from the package it’s supposed to make “colors magically appear” on special paper.
-1 very flimsy Teacher Planner that states “Because I have 52 weekends to plan.” Who thinks this stuff up? This is a cruel joke rubbing it in my face that I’ll be using my weekend working on class planning. Bastards.
-3 generic pink erasers
-1 index card box. ??? How is this useful?
-1 small plastic-wrap package of tissues.
-6 Staples Brand pencils
-9 flyers to promote Staples or products that Staples sells.

At the end of the day, though, I’m glad I picked up the stuff and I can appreciate a company who sees teachers as a market to be catered to.

Next point of business: look right and you’ll see a list of links I’ve updated. I’ve been looking around for the most helpful blogs that give info to new teachers, or teachers new to NYC. I feel like we need to band together, Us vs. Them and all that. (Them could mean students, it could mean parents of students, or it could mean administration…I’m leaving this open.) Feel free to browse, I often look at other blogs just for another point of view. And there are a few personal blogs that I browse for my own pleasure-reading...they are high quality and fun.

Also, notice my addopt a classroom button...If you're a big business who wants to help a special needs classroom, or another teacher who could use the help...please click the link.

Link plugging is officially over.

My Emergency Racism Lesson Plan

2006-08-24T09:50:00.001-07:00

If you’ve been reading my blog somewhat regularly you are aware of the racial issues I have had while student teaching. This has given me pause for MUCH thought, because I have never been so shocked as the day I was called out in class as a racist…not because I did or said anything in that manner…but merely as an attack and shock tactic. So for months I’ve thought of how to handle when (not if) that situation comes up in my own classroom, and I’m well aware of how touchy a situation it is; I mean how can I not seem preachy when it’s a young, white teacher talking to a room of black and latino students in poverty speaks equality and against prejudice. Sounds like I’d be trying to save my own ass, and a big case of “The Queen doth protest too much,” if you know what I mean.

Ok, so how to broach the subject without either being condescending/preachy, or a doormat when it comes to student disrespect and racial views? I know for a start I can’t make it student vs. teacher when it comes to prejudice, that could make me seem desperate and defensive. What I came up with was my:

EMERGENCY CULTURE LESSONPLAN

OBJECTIVE: Students will explore provocations of prejudice and discover that many prejudiced actions stem from cultural issues rather than skin color.

MATERIALS: Paper, pens, paint swatches from a hardware store

PROCEDURE:

1. Students sit together in an open forum for discussion.

2. Teacher passes out paint swatches to students and requests that each child finds the color that matches their skin. The instructor also matches his/her own skin color.

3. Each student goes around and reads off the paint color that most closely resembles their complexion, i.e. coral cliché, rolling hills, pepper spice (I’m closest to blanched almond)

4. Teacher begins discussion among students about race vs. culture, asks “If we all have different shades of skin color, how can it be categorized into so few…black, white, and so on?”

5. Students speak, give answers and teacher writes poignant concepts on the board.

6. Teacher asks the class what the difference between race and culture is.

7. Teacher creates a T chart on the board and fills in each side with student help.

8. Students are asked to write or draw a situation in which they were prejudiced against someone, or someone was prejudiced against them.

9. Lesson is closed by teacher speaking about respect and the power of diversity as a tool of learning. “I think all cultures can learn from each other, and that kind of education can empower all people, not just those who seem powerful now.”

I feel that this is the best lesson plan concerning race I’ve been able to come up with so far, I want to focus in difference of culture as opposed to difference in skin color because I think that’s where most misunderstandings or anger stems from. I also think that taking race out of it diffuses the situation more. There’s no longer black and white, nigger and cracker…instead we have dusty canyon and moonscape. At the very least I hope it will get the kids to laugh and think a little about the way the act with other cultures. And of course it goes without saying that I hope it saves my butt a lot of trouble.

Motivational Teaching Poster

2006-08-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

For a bit of fun I played around with the "Make your own Motivational Poster" site linked here: http://flagrantdisregard.com/flickr/motivator.php

Note: This is meant with a sense of humor…these mock motivational posters do not reflect the opinions of the blogger.

These are my favorites:

By the way, you can click on the posters to make them bigger, and more readable.

New Teacher Week!

2006-08-23T18:53:00.000-07:00

Let’s hear it for New Teacher Week! The New York Department of Education offers a two day workshop that gives new teachers their “last bastion of hope” for preparation before classrooms of hellions are unleashed upon them. All in all, it went ok. There was so much repetition, which was good and bad. Bad because it was a snoozefest and all the work was interactive so you couldn’t just turn off and drool while you stared into space, and good in the respect that so much that the state was teaching was taught by the Fellowship. What was odd that they were throwing new teachers from the Fellowship in along with 4 year traditional certification, and I felt as prepared as these carreer teachers were. Which is not very prepared at all, or as prepared as one can be before facing the day of reckoning.

I seriously feel like a rookie cop whose never seen action, or the fresh meat in the military being sent over to the Middle East: I vaguely know what to expect,
I know what is expected of me, and I’m pretty sure I have an idea of how it could all go wrong. What I’m not prepared for is the day-to-day. Everyone says that the first year of teaching is the year I will learn, oh, and that I shouldn’t plan to have a life. Lovely, since I don’t have a life anyway.

Aside from teaching school, I’m all registered up at Pace University for my class this fall, Tuesday nights after class. And let me say that between Pace paperwork, Teaching Fellow’s paperwork, AmeriCorps stuff, paperwork for the Department of Ed, and for my transitional B certification…I feel like I’ve filled out so much crap, so repetitive…and I never really felt on top of it. There was a small emergency last week where I needed to send something out immediately because it was overlooked in all the madness. I’d complain more about it, but from what I’ve heard I’ll have an avalanche of paperwork once I’m teaching and filling out IEPs.

“My entire weekend was lost to creating lesson plans and planning the week ahead. I spent all my times after school working on the student’s IEPs.” This is a direct quote from a DOE teaching mentor in friendly warning. Fabulous.

To offset all the drama and worry I have continued binge-shopping for school materials. I’m trying REALLY hard to keep it under $100 for now, but I went to Barclay (Teacher Store) and just *had* to have a nice chalk holder, and construction paper, and sticky tack for hanging motivational posters, and of course the motivational posters themselves.

A word on motivational posters: I think the idea is kinda hokey…little positive sound bites that students will slag endlessly, as I remember I did…even as a good student. However, I find them important because it shows the personality of the teacher, and creates the “print rich environment” that schools and administration look for. I could only find one in the entire store that did not make me gag or instantly hate myself for buying: It’s a poster with a photo of a chicken about to cross the street with the caption “Know the reasons for your actions.” It wasn’t very preachy or corny, and taught something that I as a person, not just a teacher, find crucial: taking personal responsibility. I also thought the chicken was cute. Oh, and one more thing…I don’t know if it’s Barclay’s in general or most teacher stores but the number of religious posters and signs were almost more abundant than the regular inspirational posters. Maybe it’s a NY thing, with all the private schools and churches? But it creeped me out. (Full disclosure: I consider myself to be Christian and spiritual, but would never force religion on anyone, especially students who haven’t fully formed their own identities yet. Frankly, I find folks who would do so to be disturbing.)

Shopping Soothes the Soul of a Freaked out 1st Year Teacher!

2006-08-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

If you’ve noticed I’ve been away for a while, it doesn’t mean I’ve given up on teaching, or thinking about teaching, or writing about teaching. I have been on a mental vacation, trying not to overload my head with worries about getting in the classroom; visiting some family, cooking some meals.

The problem is that I’m facing a very large change in my life, and as much as I would like to relax, I’m getting anxious. I’ve been out of the classroom for a few weeks now, and while I was pretty confident while I had the kids in front of me…I am now making mountains out of mole hills. It doesn’t help that I just watched the movie 187 where Samuel L. Jackson plays a teacher who gets attacked in his Brooklyn school for flunking a student. The students then go on to trash the class room, kill a pet dog, and eventually the film ends in death. Cheerful. There’s this great, positive part where the teachers are chatting about another teacher who was 7 months pregnant and pinned down by a bunch of students…she ended up kicking a student to get free and was being sued for assault.

So I’m worried about what I’m going to actually be teaching. How am I going to teach it? What if the students don’t even come into my class? What if they find out where I live? Should I be afraid to fail a student? How do I get these kids to respect a young, white, female teacher? What if I get attacked? How do I not get confrontational if a student gets in my face? What if I can’t teach these kids anything?

And I know it’s all about structure, procedure, firmness and kindness…what about when all of that fails?

Ok, so I had a good case of the new-teacher-psyching-myself-out-blues. So, I did what any person would do in my case: SHOPPING! Staples had an amazing sale where I picked up Crayola crayons for $.15 a box, and 10 piece marker sets for $.99…AMAZING! And these great mini gel pens 24 for $5.00! I feel more at peace with facing a class of students because I’m a little more prepared. Even if it’s just school supplies, it’s one more step in the right direction…and that makes a bit less freaked out.

Learning to Teach By Watching Movies

2006-08-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

I have two weeks of downtime ahead of me before new-teacher week, and the opening workshops for my new school begin. In two weeks I’ll be bracing myself for the onslaught of students, lesson plans, bad attitudes and paperwork. But right now, after the mile-a-minute tendencies of the previous seven weeks, I am flat out bored. I miss the twelve hour days, early mornings, and the work…it gave me purpose; and if I had a choice I’d leap head first into teaching tomorrow.

However, here I am with my two weeks and I decided to be practical and spend my free time watching “educational” films. My Netflix queue is chock-full of movies based around, you guessed it! Teaching! I figure that even if I don’t learn anything, at least I’ll stop missing the classroom.

This weekend showcased two films, Stand and Deliver and Dead Poets Society. Two educators “teaching against the odds,” played by Robin Williams and Edward James Olmos. I’ll start out by saying that I found more practical teaching advice in Stand and Deliver, which was based on a true story.

My main issue with Dead Poet’s Society is how romanticized and heroic the whole idea of teaching is. There’s a point in the film where a “cynical” administrator mentions that it’s misguided to teach sixteen year old boys to learn to think for themselves, and to the extent Robin William’s character attempts to uplift his students, I believe it’s true. Call me a realist, but you have to teach students the rules prior to teaching them how to break them; you have to show the kids how to think, before turning them loose to think for themselves. When you unleash the power of free thought to students without guidance you create a monster that will inevitably destroy itself, or others. I also disagreed with Robin William’s as the teacher/hero/god, it simply left a bad taste in my mouth where I should have felt inspired as he reigned above his disciples…literally. Just remember that you can lead a class without being a “captain.”

Even though any movie that claims to be “based on a true story” should be watched with a pound of salt I really connected to Stand and Deliver. The basis on inner-city Hispanic kids and raising the bar of their education…that’s what the Teaching Fellows is all about, the culture of excellence. Seriously, one of the main points my coursework has drilled into my head is that as a teacher I cannot lower my standards, just because the students come from a culture of less opportunity. And, most importantly, the characterization of the teacher played by Edward James Olmos didn’t rely on the lofty goals of education merely for educations sake, but worked with the students in their trenches. Yes there’s the different of situations, predatory students compared with the kids of L.A…but the point remains: You can’t merely preach at students and expect them to learn, you have to work with them and for them, not just hand them a pile of ideals.